Toxic relationshp break-up. I'm a mess.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Toxic relationshp break-up. I'm a mess.
7
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 7:17pm
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Sat, 11-17-2007 - 8:24pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 11-18-2007 - 11:25am

Welcome to the board Susan,


::The next day, I called a therapist and

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 9:48am

Oh Susan, I completely relate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Mon, 11-19-2007 - 4:09pm

Thanks for your thoughtful post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 11-25-2007 - 8:50am

Hi, you're not crazy. In fact, I'd caution against getting too caught up in "doing work on yourself" thinking there must be something wrong with you because you "snapped" like that or because you stayed in a relationship that was bad for you.

You don't need all that much therapy to figure out why you went loca like that (I use the term lovingly ;-) ) We have a saying in Spanish that doesn't translate all that well to English, but basically, you "ate" your anger, frustration and resentment for two years. Just shoving it down over and over, hoping that through some miracle of miracles, he'd change and you'd be happy again. When you keep eating something that's bad for you, it's bound to "come up."

We all have different capacity loads for shoved-down feelings like that, and when we hit "full" any tiny thing will set it off. What set you off wasn't so tiny, though. Him breaking up over the phone when he probably knew you had this business thing is an incredibly selfish and cowardly thing to do, and you got mad, plain and simple. But because of the shoved-down anger and built-up resentment, it all came out at once, like a pressure cooker exploding or a firehose gone haywire.

And you see the representation of what you did and how it felt, that anger, as evil and what's more evil than a demon or devil? Nothing. So that's your logical image of that. Totally makes sense.

Why you put up with it: You hoped it would change. Now you know that as soon as you see the first signs, you walk away. As far as the following him, now you know what doesn't work, just don't do it again.

That will be 5 cents, please. ;-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Sun, 11-25-2007 - 6:36pm

Thanks for the humor!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Mon, 11-26-2007 - 8:41pm

I don't think you are crazy.

Soliel