Hi, you're not crazy. In fact, I'd caution against getting too caught up in "doing work on yourself" thinking there must be something wrong with you because you "snapped" like that or because you stayed in a relationship that was bad for you.
You don't need all that much therapy to figure out why you went loca like that (I use the term lovingly ;-) ) We have a saying in Spanish that doesn't translate all that well to English, but basically, you "ate" your anger, frustration and resentment for two years. Just shoving it down over and over, hoping that through some miracle of miracles, he'd change and you'd be happy again. When you keep eating something that's bad for you, it's bound to "come up."
We all have different capacity loads for shoved-down feelings like that, and when we hit "full" any tiny thing will set it off. What set you off wasn't so tiny, though. Him breaking up over the phone when he probably knew you had this business thing is an incredibly selfish and cowardly thing to do, and you got mad, plain and simple. But because of the shoved-down anger and built-up resentment, it all came out at once, like a pressure cooker exploding or a firehose gone haywire.
And you see the representation of what you did and how it felt, that anger, as evil and what's more evil than a demon or devil? Nothing. So that's your logical image of that. Totally makes sense.
Why you put up with it: You hoped it would change. Now you know that as soon as you see the first signs, you walk away. As far as the following him, now you know what doesn't work, just don't do it again.
Welcome to the board Susan,
::The next day, I called a therapist and
Oh Susan, I completely relate.
Thanks for your thoughtful post.
Hi, you're not crazy. In fact, I'd caution against getting too caught up in "doing work on yourself" thinking there must be something wrong with you because you "snapped" like that or because you stayed in a relationship that was bad for you.
You don't need all that much therapy to figure out why you went loca like that (I use the term lovingly ;-) ) We have a saying in Spanish that doesn't translate all that well to English, but basically, you "ate" your anger, frustration and resentment for two years. Just shoving it down over and over, hoping that through some miracle of miracles, he'd change and you'd be happy again. When you keep eating something that's bad for you, it's bound to "come up."
We all have different capacity loads for shoved-down feelings like that, and when we hit "full" any tiny thing will set it off. What set you off wasn't so tiny, though. Him breaking up over the phone when he probably knew you had this business thing is an incredibly selfish and cowardly thing to do, and you got mad, plain and simple. But because of the shoved-down anger and built-up resentment, it all came out at once, like a pressure cooker exploding or a firehose gone haywire.
And you see the representation of what you did and how it felt, that anger, as evil and what's more evil than a demon or devil? Nothing. So that's your logical image of that. Totally makes sense.
Why you put up with it: You hoped it would change. Now you know that as soon as you see the first signs, you walk away. As far as the following him, now you know what doesn't work, just don't do it again.
That will be 5 cents, please. ;-)
Thanks for the humor!
I don't think you are crazy.