Traveling Soon and Sad...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
Traveling Soon and Sad...
5
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 10:01am

Hi all -

Thanks so much for your support.

I have so many dilemmas I don't know where to start.

So here's one: I'm traveling with my family (my parents and sister) to Turkey and Egypt. I'll be traveling in the middle of December for 2 weeks. It's such an amazing trip and opportunity and I want to be able to enjoy this to my fullest!

I was so excited when my parents told me about this and booked the tickets and started planning the itinerary. I was so excited, except now. I've just been deeply saddened by the turn of events. I used to think he would come back to me, now I have to believe otherwise. I always thought I would be able to enjoy this trip, and then when we got back together I would share with him all that I've seen. And since he loves architecture, I would share with him all the pictures and know how happy he would be to see them. It's like I still had him part of my life up until my recent conversation with him (where he basically said he wasn't ready and didn't know when he would be ready for a relationship and even if that relationship was going to be with ME, whereas I thought he would be ready soon and actually want to get back with me).
Now I'm just sad about everything.

I want to know how I can get him out of my head so I can enjoy this once in a lifetime trip I'm going to have? I want to be able to embrace everything and not let him bother me. I have two weeks in which to do this and I have no clue. I'm seeing my therapist twice a week now to get some advice.

Do I go back to believing that he'll come back to me, if only for those two weeks I'm away? Just so I can maintain my sanity? Do I go on the trip thinking, well, I'll be able to share it with him anyway even if we never get back together?
Or how do I make this trip only about me and the experience I'll have with my family, and not have him involved?

I absolutely know that I'll miss him when I'm there, I'll wish he could see and experience what I will be seeing on my trip.

How do I get over this in 2 weeks?????

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 11:37am

Sweetie, you're not going to

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 1:14pm

If you allow, and I do mean *allow*, him, lack of him, hope of him to ruin this trip, you will regret it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 2:26pm

Hey Sheri -

I WISH it could take 2 weeks! lol
But of course I know I won't be able to get over it in that short amount of time. :(
And I know eventually I'll get over the breakup but it seems soo impossible right now. I can't even imagine when there will be a time that I don't think about him and be sad..

Your right, I made the choice to believe in something based on the facts I had, but now realized that this relationship is truly over and there are no guarantees. I should have faced it a while ago. Breakups are hard and confusing especially when both people still love each other and care for each other and wish it could work.

You said: "You could also start to accept that this is going to be one of the many experiences you're going to have that you're not going to be sharing with him."

And that seems like something I can do. I have to accept that my life is going to continue without him, that I will be doing things for myself now without thinking if he will be in the picture. I really do hope I won't be sad for most of the trip. My sister will be there with me and she has been a GREAT supporter throughout my break up.

I'm glad you enjoyed Turkey. I definitely hope I'll have a wonderful time!

Thanks again Sheri.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 2:38pm

Hey Carrie -

I definitely will have to try not to allow him to ruin my trip. I can't allow his thoughts to make me not experience my trip the best I can. I know definitely I will regret it.

Hmm, trying to live in the now. That's something I've tried to conquer forever. I have this knack of always thinking ahead, worrying about the future, trying to prepare best for any future problems, also, I obsess. I obsessively think about things and analyze them to the core. I've been trying to do that these past few days, trying to take apart the conversation me and my ex had and figure out what exactly is going on. But seriously, I know I have to stop. It won't do me any good. I need to know that there really is no point of doing that, of trying to figure out what's going on his head, so I can know what to do with myself. I can't let him control me!!
I will definitely read that article you posted about Thought Stopping Techniques. Do you have any good book recommendations on how to focus on oneself and enjoy the now, take back control of your life, etc? I probably will need good inspirational books to read during the travel.

I've printed those other articles and will definitely read them over and over until I "get" it.

The scrap book idea is perfect! I will try to do that and see how I feel. Right now I forgot how many fun things I've done since the break up: traveled to LA, auctioned myself off for charity (just a 10 min date peoples), hmm wait .. what else...I'll figure it out. :) I'm sure they'll come up.

Thank you so much Carrie.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 2:51pm

I don't have a book specific about focusing.... but you could try a few of these:


The Four Agreements, Miguel Ruiz


Women Who Run with the Wolves, Clarissa Pinkola Estes


In the Meantime, Iyanla Vanzant



Living in the past is living with Regret. Living in the future (or worrying about it) is living in Fear.


Have a wonderful time in Egypt and Turkey.