Tried it again, way too soon

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2006
Tried it again, way too soon
10
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 10:37am
Well almost everyone knows my story, with my girl for 4 years, finally broke up cause of us seeing each other all the time, no actual boyfriend and girlfriend stuff being done, just hanging around her house. Well for the past 3 weeks we spent a few days together a week, maybe 3-4, and i guess she felt it was going bac ot the way it used to be. When we talked about going slow, it was to start over and try again, we have so much in common and so much going on in each others lives we dont wanna miss that we decided to do that, but my love for her took over my sense and caused us to rush back to the way the things were, so now im in pain for a second time in a month, and i dont know what to do.....i love her so much, but know shes in pain, i cant help but fight with myself. Im scared to be alone... I want to fix this and be with her, but i dont know what to do.. Please Help
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2006
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 8:38am
well, i think im gonna let go, its the second time i spent hurting all day and crying a bit, i dont think i could do it again, i need to forget about her and move along. My only question is, what if she comes back to me, what should i do if i moved on?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 9:19am

Hey there,

I've only been on this message board for less then 24 hours, but if you read any of my posts thus far, you'll see this whole "moving on" thing is a common theme i talk about.

I too have a glimmer of hope of getting back together some day (and living happily ever after). And it seems as though 95% of the people on this board do too. And that's okay.

I think you should move on. I think that's a good decision. I think that's an awesome decision. And to answer your question, what if she comes back? Well, IF and when it happens, YOU can make the decision of what to do then. YOU will be able to think about it and do what's best for you. In the mean time, you can take some time to figure out more about yourself. You can grow as a person, and maybe if you guys got back together later in life, it would go better because you will both have grown. Now, i'm not saying any of this is easy, and frankly, it sucks. My ex and I only broke up last week on thursday, so i'm still totally depressed... BUT i am trying to move on... even though honestly i don't want to... i think it's the best thing. Because how long can you really hold on? At some point it has to become unhealthy. You can't let your long-term happiness depend on another person. I'm sure you are an awesome guy. You sound like a hopeless romantic. Chicks dig that. he he he... But seriously, don't put all your eggs in her basket. Let her come to realize how great you are, and then YOU can decide if she deserves you.

And i think it does get easier with time. I understand being depressed every day. I still can't fall asleep and i wake up every day thinking maybe it was all a horrible dream. But every one says that it gets easier...

we'll keep in touch!!
- mikki

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 2:07pm
The last time I was on this board, I got blasted because I gave MY OPINION. Here goes: I don't fully know your whole story but it sounds like you guys just might need some time apart. You need to figure out exactly what you want do. If you are around her constantly, you won't be able to make a clear decision. If you think moving on is the best thing for you, you should go with your feelings. A broken heart has a way of healing itself. It will hard but eventually it gets easier. Nobody wants to be alone....but you know what? we all got to do it one time or another. Don't let the thought of being alone keep you from moving forward and finding the happiness that you deserve. If you two are really meant to be, you will find your way back to each other. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2006
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 8:13pm
Thanks for the advice, i think im gonna go out tonight to the bar or a club with some friends and have fun, maybe meet someone nice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2006
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:04am
Last Night i went out with my friend to a nice club/bar and it was fun! i did not meet anyone but i did forget about all my problems and made me feel good inside, im gonna try and go out again friday, and maybe catch a movie tonight.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:22am
Don't put too much pressure on yourself to meet someone new right now. Take some time to be by yourself. You need time to heal from your past relationship. I know you mentioned you hate being alone, but sometimes it is healthy to be alone, especially after a breakup. That way you know you can rely on yourself and be independent. This is a time that could be used to learn more about yourself as an individual, maybe get involved in a new activity you never tried before. Just take it slow and eventually, when the time is right, you WILL meet someone else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 8:18am
I think i want to write her a letter telling her how i currently feel, all my bottled up feelings have to be let out so she knows how important she was to me and how much i cared, but im not reall sure on how to put it, any suggestions
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 8:51am

Suggestion:

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2006
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 6:09pm
It sounds like you both care for each other a lot and want to be in each others life. I may be missing the problem because I have never heard of anyone breaking up because they are together too much. It may help to develop hobbies outside the relationship that you can feel good about and schedule time together later. By no means do you have to be together 24/7. If you are both are willing to work at the relationship and have common goals/interests, you have a great start. Setting boundaries is important. Its like going back to when you first started dating and feeling each other out again. Be polite and ask questions, listen and don't assume. Nobody wants someone that is afraid of life... find some other interests that will open you to life again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2006
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 11:57pm
well im just gonna forget about her, i really dont care anymore, shes the one who broke my heart, im done caring for her and putting my feelings on the side to please her. its been a week since iv seen her, and i think id like to keep it that way.