Triple Loss
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Triple Loss
| Mon, 03-07-2005 - 12:36pm |
Hi everyone -- I first posted a month ago after I broke up with my boyfriend of a year (he was depressed and withdrawing from our relationship so I finally gave up and split up). Just as the pain from that loss was starting to fade, I was hit with two more huge blows. This past weekend, my closest friend of over a decade told me that she is ending our friendship. Basically she got very drunk and lit into me, telling me that she's sick of hearing about my break-up problems and has resented me for along time ('cause I was in a relationship and neglecting her). She threw in a few more hurtful words (in front of an entire restaurant staff!) until I got up and walked out. I know I'm better off without her and her alcoholic mood-swings and jealous anger (I'm a fabulous person with many friends and a great life, btw). Just like I'm better off without my ex-boyfriend and his many issues. But, it still doesn't make these transitions much easier. To top everything off, my maternal grandfather is dying and only has about 24 hours more to live. (You can't make this stuff up!) The fact that my ex-friend chose a time of deep grieving to dump me makes me all the more furious! I'm now trying to focus on my grandmother by helping her during her greatest loss. If anyone can give me some words of inspiration about grief, transition, coming to terms with disappointments and major changes in live I would GREATLY appreciate it!

wow she obviously wasnt a very good friend anyway....
i lost a very close friend last year and it was hard to get used to but then i realized im so much better off.
its hard when youre going through many losses at once.
my mom passed away 2 years ago and its sooo hard to not have her to talk to about my boyfriend breaking up with me.
you'll get through this. i know it seems like things keep getting worse...but they have to before it starts to get better. this is so cliche, i know ive heard it a million times, but its chiche because its true -- all of this will only make you stronger.
the best people in this world are the ones who have been hurt. because they learn very valuable characteristics from their losses. such as compassion etc....
im not an expert on dealing with loss myself becuase im still going through the motion of all of my own heartaches.....but maybe you should talk to a therapist about how to deal with everything if it ever seems like too much you can handle on your own.
im so sorry to hear about your grandfather... best wishes in feeling better eventually.
My ex actually contacted me last week, which is making things even harder for me right now. It'd been about a month since we broke up and I hadn't expected to hear from him. He emailed me that he'd been away on business since we broke up, and so on, and asked if we could have dinner when he got back to town. I told him that I think it was a good idea b/c I don’t believe in remaining friends with exes, and left it at that. I felt liberated by turning him down, but now he’s back on my mind constantly. I’ve decided not to tell him about my grandfather or my now ex-friend b/c I don’t want to seem manipulative or like I’m trying to gain his sympathy. Even though I'm horribly lonely for his friendship, I must not let him back in my life at this time. I know everything will turn out for the best down the road. I truly feel like I’m making all the right decisions and everyone I know is remarking on my strength. I hope my postings will inspire others and I/we can ultimately grow from all this. Keetee, I’ve seen your growth in the past few weeks and I commend you. And I have the utmost respect that you’ve survived the passing of your mother. You are a remarkable person!
wow you are strong for turning down the dinner with him. guess what...i dont think i would have been able to do that. actually im almost sure i wouldnt have been able to. i would have thought it meant he wanted to get back together and jumped at the opportunity. but i guess our situations are a little different cuz you have your reasons for not wanting to be with your ex..it was your choice. there is practically nothing that i dont like about mine....and i think its a huge mistake and want to be with him so bad. so i guess thats why i would have soooo much trouble turning it down.
i agree that its way to hard to remain friends when you want so much more. my ex(ouch)boyfriend is really stubborn and i know he wont be contacting me asking to hang out..or to say that he misses me. but i did just find out that last week he deleted me from his msn list...and this week he re-added me. even though he knows i put him on my block list. i wonder what thats all about. hes just gonna wait until im ready to be friends again?
i agree - its very hard not to contact them and tell them about all the new things that are going on in our lives..... but you need to find sympathy from other people that arent him. it sucks..but thats how it works. and its a good thing cuz then you arent placing EVERYTHING on him. cuz look at what happens when they're gone...we're lost and dont know who to turn to.
thank you for the compliments =)yes it is inspiring to know that since i made it through my mothers death at only 18 years old i can surely make it through some stupid guy that doesnt want to be with me. it is for sure going to take a lot of time that is for sure...but i think im on the right track. i too realize that ive made progress...but it really is a day by day thing...and the smallest thing can make you start hurting again. im sure ill have many more posts here about how horrible im doing. but its important to know that those days dont last. there are bad days and medium days. and in the future there will again be good days. problem is im actually still in major denial.... i cant help but think we will be together again in a few months. bad bad bad.