Trust issues
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Trust issues
| Sat, 11-13-2004 - 1:34am |
I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months, and we've had a quite serious and intense relationship with much talk of the future together.
For a long time I've had problems trusting in a relationship, and this came up in conversation not too long ago. This has led to us breaking up. He took it as a personal insult, though i've tried to explain that it's not him, it's me. I do see why he's upset, but I don't know any better way to explain to him that he didn't do anything to make me feel this way. He doesn't want to be in a relationship where trust is an issue.
I love him so much, and don't want this to end. What am i supposed to do, and what CAN i do?
For a long time I've had problems trusting in a relationship, and this came up in conversation not too long ago. This has led to us breaking up. He took it as a personal insult, though i've tried to explain that it's not him, it's me. I do see why he's upset, but I don't know any better way to explain to him that he didn't do anything to make me feel this way. He doesn't want to be in a relationship where trust is an issue.
I love him so much, and don't want this to end. What am i supposed to do, and what CAN i do?

I am in the same position as your boyfriend. My b/f has major trust issues; after being hurt so many times and being cheated on, left, lied to, etc, he has very much reason to be skeptical of who he trusts and I understand that. But I've also told him how important it is for him to at least try to. I've too, told him that if this is the way the relationship is going to go (him not trusting me), then I don't want to be a part of it much longer. Not because I'm willing just to throw it away, but because I need to feel that I can go for coffee with a girlfriend w/o him thinking I'm going to meet another man, or to spend an afternoon away from him, and come home w/o him feeling bitter and suspicious that I'm able to have a good time without his presence always there.
I have, several times reassured him that I'd never cheat, I don't want to be with anyone else etc. Thats what I have to do, and I'm fine with it. But if he'd just TRY to see it plainly for what it is, instead of jumping to conclusions about what else I "might" be doing, then things would go alot smoother. The harder you hold him close b/c of your trust issues, the more he's going to try to pull back.
I know it's uncomfortable, but loosen the leash a little and just have faith that he's not out to hurt you.
I'm going through this issue with my SO...I was lied to in my last r'ship by someone I trusted, and it has really done a number on me. So I've explained to my SO that I need to not trust blindly this time around (this is something I discussed with my counselor). If I ask him about something (like who was the woman on the phone who just called him), it's not because I'm *accusing* him, but because I need clarification and reassurance. He started off reacting very defensively but I think he's starting to understand the difference between accusing and just asking questions. I'd like him to get to the point of volunteering the information so I don't even have to ask (which is what I do with him) but we're not quite there yet.
Sheri
K, that's my venting for this evening, thanks for listening.