Trust me.....NO CONTACT IS A MUST!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2006
Trust me.....NO CONTACT IS A MUST!!!!
6
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 10:35pm

Hi there. I've been lurking on this board for about a week now. I must admit, it has really helped!

I just wish I would have followed the no contact rule.....

Here's my story.

Met a wonderful man online last December. Things were perfect....we had an eerie amount of things in common, we had fun together, great sex, everything one could possibily want in a relationship.

That is. Until he got sick about a month ago. He came down with pneumonia, and was quite sick. I was there by his side, even missing my own birthday to lay beside him. I bought him medicine, groceries, stayed with him when he was feverish and had no one else.

Imagine my surprise this Monday when he started avoiding me. All of a sudden didn't want to hang out last Saturday. Then Monday, he didn't want to make up for it sometime during the week (like he always did). I confronted him about it. And he then broke the news to me that he didn't feel the same way about me......and it wasn't fair to me that we stay together. And that he didn't know why he felt that way because nothing was wrong in our relationship.....

He did this on MSN Messenger.

I had never felt so alone.

He insisted that he wants to stay friends. That we have so much fun together, blah blah blah.....The following night, he chatted with me again, and it was much of the same. At that point, I said that I needed to see him in person, and he agreed. I said I did not want to talk to him for a few days (this was Tuesday) so I could process everything that was going on. I thought that seeing him in person after being broken up with on MSN would help. Man oh man was I wrong....

So here I am today.

I went to his house. He was so cold. He didn't even want to discuss it, wanted to go out and have coffee. And he didn't want me in his house.

I got so upset....I said to him that I knew it was a mistake to come, and ran out. I then went back to get some things of mine that I had left, and he gave them to me and then proceeded to slam the door in my face. I was so angry, and emotional that I kicked the door!!!! lol. I now have a broken toe.....

I sat there crying on his doorstep. He finally came out, we yelled at each other a bit.....and then calmed down and talked a little....well, mostly me crying and him just sitting there staring at me listening.

We shared one last hug, and then I left.

I feel like such an ass........

I am now going to follow the no contact rule strictly!!! I wish I would have listened to everyone about this......

Please ladies..........no matter what he says.......no matter what you feel.......trust me on this one. NO CONTACT is simply a must.

Was feeling really down about this.........but after seeing what kind of person he truly is......I know I'm waaaaaaaay better off :).

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 11:53pm
I'm sure many of us on here has broken the no contact rule one way or the other. It is when we get burned by breaking it that we learn not to or at least try not to break it again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2006
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 8:35am

You're so right! I just want to add that indirect contact is just as detrimental to one's peace of mind, at a certain stage.

I broke up (or was broken up with) about four months ago, he called once in September, but otherwise by mid-October I discovered I was getting stronger and even healing a bit. Unfortunately, we have a common friend, whom I see for coffee about once a month. I had introduced them back in old times, so looking at her without remembering him is hard enough. She can never do without giving me an update on him, good soul! Last time it happened last Friday, while I was rejoicing about how little I think about him, how I ceased talking to him in my head, and how I am excited about other good things in my life again. Guess what? All the anguish is back again, I've been really low since then, and my newly re-discovered taste in life is gone.

Bottom line: either I include his woman in the "no contact" rule, which is a pity because she is nice, or I must tell her in plain words that I don't ever want to hear his name mentioned, and hope she does not get offended.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 10:20am

Yes, you need to do one or the other. But honestly, if she's truly a friend to you, she will understand if you ask her not to speak of him for the time being.

Although if just seeing her is a reminder, then perhaps you should put that friendship on hold for a while until you're over your ex. I kept in touch with one ex's mom for a while after a breakup but finally had to stop seeing her because it was just too hard. But she understood and we are friendly again now that I'm well over her son.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 4:26pm

I so feel your pain on staying in contact with a mutual friend of the ex. One of my exe's best friend keeps sending me text messages on how I am doing and telling me that I am not forgotten by him, his wife and other people. It is very nice that he sends me text messages and calls sometimes because I know he cares but it is hard for me because when I hear from him, I think about my ex and it takes every bit of me not to ask how my ex is doing. Even though he doesn't mention my ex at all because he knows the heartbreak I am going through, it is still hard. My ex dumped me 4 1/2 months ago and I still have trouble some days of moving on and hearing from one of his friends does make it tougher. I think for me, I am just going to have to break contact with the mutual friends until my heart is healed. Even though they don't talk about my ex, they still remind me of him and it is slowing the healing process.

If you still want to have contact with this mutual friend, please tell that person to not bring up your ex at all and explain that you are trying to move on. I am sure they will understand without getting offended.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-31-2006
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 4:54am
I am sorry about your toe....but I loved your story. You are well rid of this guy. GOOD FOR YOU.
milly
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2006
Tue, 10-31-2006 - 7:12am

Thanks!!!

Doing much better now.....was a rough time that's for sure. But I truly believe that what goes around comes around.........and one day, mine will come :).

Just keep that positive voice in your head ladies......it hurts like hell right now I'm sure, but soon enough, we will overcome this. And know that things happen for a reason.......it's probably for the best. And we deserve nothing but that.