Trusting your instincts
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| Wed, 12-06-2006 - 7:45pm |
After reading another post that mentioned something about doubting yourself, I started thinking about how in the past I have doubted myself in relationships even when every fiber of my being told me the relationship was somehow off (the guy was cheating or about to break up with me etc.) The thing that I have been working on for the past couple of years is learning how to trust myself and my feelings. Some people call it a sixth sense or their "spidey sense" (for any of you out there who have seen "Over the Hedge" you could call your "tail tingle" but whatever it is, learn to listen to it. I have found that everytime I looked back on my relationships that did not work out, I had that sense that something was wrong, sometimes well before the end. I can honestly say that since I have been trusting that instinct more, it's almost like I can see the breakup before it happens and it is not quite such a shock when it does. (Especially if it is the other person who breaks up with you.) It doesn't always make a break up hurt less, but I have found it does make it a little easier to swallow. I have also found that I made my biggest mistakes when I ignored the "tingle" Those were the break ups that hurt the worst because in my head I knew it was coming but I stuck my head in the sand. Even now, I will get the tingle and I may not dump a guy right away or cancel a trip or whatever, but I do pay closer attention to what is going on. For example, the week before I went to spend thanksgivng with a guy that I had been dating, I felt off after a conversation with him. He just seemed "distracted" I made note of it, called a friend told her I had the tingle and she told me I was probably just nervous because he and I had not seen each other in a while. Long story short, the "tingle" was dead on! He hardly talked to me all week, seemed irritated at my presence and told me to "keep in touch" when I left. This from a guy who previously had been emailing and calling daily and telling me how much he missed me and looked forward to my visit. I haven't heard from him since. So I guess my entire dissertation is just to say, trust yourself a little more! Don't let anyone tell you that you are imagining things or that your feelings are without merit. That doesn't mean you always have to act right away, just take note and pay attention. Trust the tingle!
YG

Oh my, you are so dead on.
About a year after I got out of my abusive, horrible marriage, I
Susan
"Success is building a foundation wit
I could have written that myself! I am usually the pursuee (I'm a little old fashioned that way) and just when I start to let my guard down and believe the guy is really genuinely interested, he takes off! I have had this happen at least 3 or 4 times in the past year! I kept asking myself "how do I pick these guys?" but I didn't really pick any of them! Every one of them asked me out and pursued me! Maybe the thrill really is to pursue a woman who is a little hard to get and then when you get her the thrill is gone.
Now if I could just figure out how to make the tingle work on command, that would be a useful trick.
Great blog by the way!
YG
YG
http://twodatediva.blogspot.com/
I know exacltly what you mean, I feared the Seinfeld curse too! That is why I make a mental note of things many times without actually acting on my feeling. I observe, generally it does not take very long for people to show you there true intentions. A lot of times my actions are much more passive than not. For example, if I get the feeling that guy is not really interested in me even though I am interested in him, rather than wasting time ad energy convincing him that I am the girl of his dreams, my action on that feeling is usually focus on dating other guys as well and leaving the door cracked for the seemingly uninterested guy to come towards me if he so chooses. I don't slam the door in his face at the first notion that he may not have the same feelings for me, but I don't grab him by the lapels either. I also have friends that I bounce my feelings off of. They are not always right, but they can definitley tell me if I am pulling a Seinfeld and they will call me on it everytime. (Not sure if any of this makes any sense in written form but it sounds great in my head!) Besides, I have always felt like if I misread a situation and let go of a guy that was really great for me, it would not be the end of the world because there are great guys everywhere and another one will eventually come along and hopefully the next time I will recognize him.
Hugs,
YG
YG
http://twodatediva.blogspot.com/
Its really odd....when I divorced my ex I thought no one would ever love me again...then I found that I couldn't swing a cat without hitting a guy who wanted to be with me...then I was afraid that I would let a good guy go...but then realized that a good guy, a really good guy, wouldn't want ME until I realized who was too good to let go.
Susan
"Success is building a foundation wit