Trying to Deal
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Trying to Deal
| Tue, 10-18-2005 - 11:34am |
So its only been a couple of days since my boyfriend and I broke up. It was mutual, well in a way, I was the one who initiated the "we need to talk" talk. Sincerely thinking that he would see my side of the story and want to work on our realtionship. In short, he was too busy with his new practice and I was not a priority. Everyone keeps telling me that he will wake up and realize what he's lost....but I dont want to give myself false hope.
God, it hurts. Little things like...sleeping in my bed alone. Driving to work from my place instead of his. Not having plans this weekend. Not being able to stand to see your friends with their boy friends. Cant get rid of this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Ive lost my appetite. If I hear one more person say "Give it some time, it will be ok" I may shoot myself or them. I think what makes it hard is hes a good guy. There was no infidelity involved and really no negative feelings. I love him as a person...wish I could still love him as my partner. I just dont know how to get over this hump. I find myself being ok when I am in the company of others, the minute I am by myself, I break down.
God, it hurts. Little things like...sleeping in my bed alone. Driving to work from my place instead of his. Not having plans this weekend. Not being able to stand to see your friends with their boy friends. Cant get rid of this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Ive lost my appetite. If I hear one more person say "Give it some time, it will be ok" I may shoot myself or them. I think what makes it hard is hes a good guy. There was no infidelity involved and really no negative feelings. I love him as a person...wish I could still love him as my partner. I just dont know how to get over this hump. I find myself being ok when I am in the company of others, the minute I am by myself, I break down.

Aww sweetie, you are really doing good with this. Your breakup is so fresh and everything you are feeling is absolutely normal. And it IS just a hump like you said. You will miss the companionship that you were used to and the intimacy, of course, but you *will* have that again I promise! I know that doesn't help much *knowing* that time heals, or this was the right thing, or you'll meet someone else more fantastic, but you CAN count on it. Keep plugging along like you are doing, get all the emotions out when you need to because it does hurt. It hurts like heck, but it won't hurt forever. You are allowed to cry and feel through the pain. And then One day you'll wake up and catch yourself laughing and smiling for no apparant reason and realize you just had a moment where you didn't think of him. And those moments will start to come more frequent and then all the time, and you will have left that hump way behind. Just take your time and be kind to yourself, you will heal from this.
sending hugs :)
Gracie
I just wanted to say hi and that I know exactly what you are going through, as Im feeling exactly the same. Its a long story but basically after a perfect two year relationship I have had to break up with my boyfriend cos he wants to go trvelling for a year and doesnt want to take me with him(He shocked me with this news about a month ago, it was awful I have never cried so much)We decided to carry on going out until he left but it was to hard and I took the massive step to break up.. What hurts the most is that we still love each other very much, and there was never anything wrong with our relationship but it had to end anyway. It was the perfect example of right person wrong time. We broke up two weeks ago and it still hurts like crazy, I cry most days, and as you said I miss the closeness so much, I miss going to bed together and hugging all night long. Whats worse is that we still live together and its breaking my heart that I see him getting on with life and not being upset at all. I asked him for a chat a couple of days ago as I just needed some comforting and the very first thing he said was that it had been nearly two weeks and he was over it! That just broke my heart all over again, how can he just be so happy and back to normal so soon.
I just keeep thinking back to when we first started going out, all those happy times we shared and the promises we made that we woul be together forever. How can something so good turn so bad. I dont think ll ever be as happy with anyone else as I was with him and it just seems impossible to carry on.
Is this how you feel?
Its def how I feel even though our situations are very different. My ex was 29 yr old alcoholic, cheated on me, etc.. he had a lot of faults and a lot of things that I knew I was better off withouth. So here comes the big question: why can't I focus on those things? When I think of him, I think back to like you said, the beginning of our relationship, how sweet he was, how happy we were.. I don't want to look back & regret our relationship, I just think it would be easier to remember his faults so I dont give in & contact him or so I don't sit here and wonder if I'll ever find anyone to compare to him.
Has anyone heard the song by Joe Diffie called "Its Always Something" Don't know if you guys are really into country music, but I heard it last night & it describes me so perfect.
Turtle, My gosh I salute you for being brave enough to end your relationship and be living with you ex. I honestly think men operate so much differently than we do. We are compassionate as women and need closure to make peace with ourselves.
and ofcourse men work differently. They live in their own freakin reality. They honestly have no concept of our needs and our hurt. My ex and I decided that we still wanted to be a part of each others lives. But ofcourse neither one has called, I think we both need to figure out what when wrong, and when?? Turtle, you sound like a strong individual, and I think you made the right decision. If he wants to travel, why were you not a factor he considered? I say screw him!! You will find someone that is going to cherish and love you. And give you the respect you need and deserve. It takes time...till then let it out babe!Thats what were here for.
Lizz, I had a bf who was 37 ( 13 years older than me at the time) Control freak, possessive and also an alcoholic. But I kept him around anyways. The reason.....because ultimately no one wants to be alone. I think its alright that at this point you think about all the good times you guys had...I did too. But I promise you will get to a point where the negatives outweigh the positive and you will realize that losing him was the best thing you did for your self esteem. Hopefully you wont find someone like him, you will find someone who will be very happy with you and show it. DONT CALL HIM. I havent talked to my ex for 4 days!!! and I plan to keep it that way!Remember our pact???
I do remember our pact!!!! I've been doing really good too. I honestly couldn't tell you the last time I talked to my ex, he called me a few days ago but I didn't answer. Not sure why he called but he didn't leave a message, so obviously if it was important he would have. I'm doing MUCH better w/ the no contact and I just talked one of my best friends into doing the same with this guy that has been treating her badly.
Thanks for your advice, its nice to know that people have been in the same situation (altho its unfortunate) Some people don't understand how hard it is to date an alcoholic, and I know it sounds easy enough just to leave them, but its really not. Especially when you love them & had planned on spending the rest of your life with them. I guess him cheating on me really was a blessing in disguise.