Trying to get over it
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Trying to get over it
| Sat, 11-06-2004 - 6:33pm |
Hello Ladies, I have told this story a million times but still seem to seek the advice of others. I met him when I was 16 and he was nineteen. She was 22 and took care of him financially even back then. I guess I was too young. He decided to go with her. I got over the puppy love. Twelve years later, I met him in a club again which was so ironic because I usually don't go to clubs and he stated he usually didn't go to that particular club. Anyway, because of the fondness in my heart for him combined with the fact that I was dying of loneliness I asked him to move in with me. At this time, my daugter was 5. This was in October 2002. He told me he had been separted for 8 months. I took what he said for face value. Though, he was not yet divorced, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I was separated for 3 years before I decided to file for a divorce simply because it wasn't at the top of my list. Needless to say, he left me right before Thanksgiving to go back to her. I let him come back. Again he left, right before Christmas. I guess he wanted to be with his wife and kids for the holidays. I truly don't know what I was thinking, but I let him come back. Things went well for a while and she decided to surface. Each time I took him back, I was expected to deal with something worse. First, he needed to fix the breaks on her car because she didn't have a mechanic, then she gave him a cell phone because the kids weren't comfortable calling him at my house, however she seemed to be the only one calling, then during one of our breakups I saw him driving her truck, next I saw her driving his car. It was always something with the kids having trouble in school. He needed to go out to her house so the kids wouldn't be alone. Mind you, these kids are 14 and 11. Oh and the kicker, they were in counseling to learn how to deal with the kids without being together. Now that I hear myself as I'm righting this, I realize how stupid I sound. I guess that's the most frustrating thing of all. We broke up on October 6, 2004 and I'm angry with myself for still mourning his loss. I felt inferior for a while because his wife has a nice house, 3 cars and his heart. Though there are three sides to every story {his, hers, & the truth}, I can't imagine why he would prefer to be there. He did file for a divorce. I saw the paperwork and receipt from the lawyer but as far as I know, he did not follow up with that. She has gotten preganant by someone else, cheated numerous times during the course of the relationship, and so has he. He has caught her in the house with these men sometimes yet he still wants to be there. Also he says some of these men were people he knew or associated with. For most people, I would imagine that would be the straw that broke the camels back but it seems to be addictive to him. The worst things she does the more he wants to be there. This last breakup, he did have his own place but we went through him turning the phone off and me not trusting him so I never felt comfortable going there. I haven't talked to him and I am proud of that. He has sent me e-mails and I have not responded. My ego definately took a strong hit. Sometimes I wonder if I were financially better off would he still have left or is it just her? It's hard to come to grips with the fact that you give someone so much and you realize they don't care about you at all. I was a rebound for him and I'm paying for that in pain. I know I'm done this time, I just want pain of the loss to go away because he is just not worth it. Why am I mourning someone who obviously doesn't care about me at all? He took the feelings I had for him and used me. She is the only one that can cause him the pain he caused me and though I know it it wrong, I wish for it everyday. Maybe I'll just start at trying not to be so bitter. In the end no one likes to lose to someone else, but God makes you accountable for what you know and not for what you don't and I knew he was not yet divorced and being separated should not have been good enough for me. Each day gets easier. I wish I knew his wifes e-mail so I could forward the ones he sends me to her. The said thing is, I could never cause that pain for another woman. He has everything he wanted with her as far as I know so why does he keep e-mailing me?
