Trying to move on...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2007
Trying to move on...
4
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 3:23pm

Hello again. I have posted my many problems with the ex on this board and I want to thank everyone for the wonderful advice. Short recap, we broke up... :) Anyway, we did the no contact thing for a while but he kept just showing up at my house and it's easier to just talk with him because now I have more control of the situation. Anyway, we are 'friends' I guess. We talk a few times a week and we hung out last night. Here's the problem; he's acting like my boyfriend again. I wouldn't have a problem with this, but I think I have met someone new. He called me this morning at work just wanting to see how my day was going and he made me promise to call him before I went to class tonight. As much as I would love for this to really mean something, I know this guy, and for some reason it doesn't really mean anything to him. Even though he does all of these things, he still wants to 'be single'. Well last night, I met a guy and (I never do this) but I got his number and I had intended on calling him but now I'm feeling guilty. In the back of my head I know that we have broken up and I really should move on (with guy number two hopefully!) but I can't help but think of all these things he is doing and feel like I should talk to him before I try dating again. I asked him for the number to his tax guy (I don't have one, and it's that time of year) and he says "I'll call him and we can go together". Does he not remember that he broke up with me? I don't think this is the "please don't hate me since i broke up with you" syndrome, it's gone far past that. Any help ladies? Or guys?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 4:04pm

Sounds like more of 'I'm comfortable with you, you meet most of my needs, so yeah, let's hang out, oh you have needs too, sorry, can't do that.'

You are going to have to be the one that sets boundaries.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 4:19pm
i am going through something similar right now and i am having to put a stop to it because i KNOW that i cannot be friends with my ex right now. even though he said he wants a relationship again, i can't be sure so i know i can have no sort of relationship with him at this point. it's so hard to see a person when you have such a history with them, so just be careful, whatever you do, because it's very easy to fall back into something that is so comfortable. i don't remember the specifics regarding your breakup but it's good that you did no contact for a while to gain more control of your feelings. i think with me, my gut tells me what's best and i have to remember to follow my head and not get stuck up in the moment. i'm sure he misses you and certain things about the relationship and is going back to that--if he wants to get back together, he will tell you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2005
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 4:54pm

it's still too soon, stl, because he isn't "getting it". Sometimes it's hard to determine how long it will be before you can really be friends, and sometimes you simply can't be friends. You've done NC and feel stronger, but now you've tried contact and it isn't working, so go back to NC so you can heal a bit more.

If you're feeling guilty about possibly seeing somebody else and he's acting like your boyfriend, then you aren't at the "friend" stage yet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2007
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 5:30pm
UGH!!!! Just got a text from him reading "Hope your having a great day". What is up??? I would jump back into a relationship with him if that's what he wanted, but I don't know that it is. I am really confused and I don't want to have to talk with him about it because I'm really bad at conversations like that and he hates them too. I want to just be able to ride it out and let him call it whatever he wants, but if he does want to get back together, there are some things that need to change first. I'm sorry for ranting but I am far past confused it's not even funny. Why can't guys just say "this is what I want" and then do it; whether it involves me or not? Thanks for the help!