Trying to move out
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| Mon, 04-25-2005 - 7:39am |
Hello -
I'm currently living with my boyfriend in his house. I have tried everything I could think of to 'maintain' this relationship.
I didn't have a lot of money when I moved here, in fact I had to take out a loan just to move. He knew this. I was paying monthly rent and utilities...., but instead of saving the little amount of money I had, I spent all the money I had thinking if I spent money here, spent money there that he would like me more and that everything would be okay despite my gut feelings about the relationship or him(he has expensive tastes - eating out, his hobbies,...). Half of this is used (I can't sell it back, and what a great dinner - better than raman noodles every night while he's fine dining look where I am now (!) ). The amount of money I spent wasn't a lot, but it would have helped me a little now. My full-time + other job paychecks were barely enough to make the rent, let alone the other bills.
To make a long story short, I am in my 30s, have bad credit, bills out the wazoo, no friends (I only talk to my 'boyfriend(?)'), no children, no car (I'm on the busline), I will have no phone other than payphones, will probably no access to a computer other than the library (I owe fines there too), I quit my job because I was so depressed (and because I couldn't stand that my boyfriend was doing stuff behind my back while I was at work - long story). I have until June 1st to move, and I have a lot of stuff. I thought about moving out of this city completely temporarily to work to hopefully forget about this man and get away (a couple of issues with him that are too much for me to handle).
Any advice would be appreciated. If I could move now (and keep all of my stuff), I would. I like him a lot, but there are issues that have literally emotionally torn me apart. I'm torn between trying to get out of the city completely, and trying to move to a location near him. He is the only person I 'talk' to. I am so messed up!!!!
This sounds stupid, but how should I approach these tasks that I need to accomplish? I need to move out by June 1st at least.
I've contacted a couple of housing agencies but have received no response. Even with a temporary job, it will take weeks before I get the first paycheck. I'd like to look for a roommate and apartment, but with my work history now that I ruined it and credit history, is this even possible??? I've paid my rent to my boyfriend on time every month for almost a year now, but who would take this seriously? I'm also not sure whether or not I still want this man in my life AT ALL... which means I don't know that I want to tell him of my future plans because of the events that have occurred between us. I'm scared to even ask, don't know who to ask, it is really embarrassing.
I have a list of tasks:
* Find out if I can get some sort of voicemail that I can call by payphone. (It's hard to fill out applications without a phone number - employers question using only an email address, and sometimes it's tough to access the library computers for this.)
* Continue to write agencies
* Look for employment here and elsewhere (this task is huge - and I'm also sick of working the low paying jobs that I've been working when I have more of an education than my 'boyfriend', believe it or not. I'd also like to work in my field, and have always put off thoroughly researching it.)
* Self-help books. Where to start????
* Finding out if there is a cheaper way to move (and still keep my stuff).
* Write down goals and things to look forward to (I think I'm trying to pull myself out of a depression or something.)
Since I will hopefully be moving by June 1st (where????). How much time should I be spending with this man? I like spending time with him, but resent wasting it with someone that ... (long story...)How much of my plans should I be divulging to him? I really need advice, but am scared to ask him for it. He's already talked down about me (not anonymously) to people behind my back, but I have no friends, let alone someone I can talk to. I tried talking to a psychologist about relationship issues - but it was like talking to a brick wall - I didn't get much out of it other than talking about things that I wouldn't normally want to talk about - I must have talked to her once a week for at least 7 weeks. I think it made it worse, since I'm normally a private person. Reading these message boards and perusing sections of books on the self helped a lot more than that lady!!!!
Rambling... any advice would be appreciated... I feel kindof isolated with these problems that I can't talk about, and to make it worse my boyfriends somewhat of a social butterfly.
Thank you.
| Mon, 04-25-2005 - 10:11pm |
