trying not to hurt...
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| Sat, 02-23-2008 - 7:06pm |
so i stumbled upon this site when googling "how to get over a breakup" and i feel like there is something i can finally do to let it out and maybe get some help. ive broken up before, and i know everyone does it.. but it never is easy is it?
at 20 years old i know that i still have a lot of love to come into my life.. and one thing i am good at is always having faith in love ( i feel like charlotte on sex in the city.. always a true believer in love and the right one coming along).
anyways.. i just ended my 9 month (longest and most serious relationship thus far) relationship with my ex, j. i knew j and i were not destined to be together forever... i accepted that when i learned he wouldnt change. but that still doesnt mean i didnt love him and want to be with him for the time being. j was good lookin, a southern sweetheart, and my first real serious boyfriend in college really. but he had a LOT of bad habits..from the beginning i knew that someone who was not in school working to be "someone" was not the right guy for me but i didnt care. he was HOT and the attraction was mutual and he made me feel special.
time went on and flaws were evident... but we dated all the same, we even did long distance (of 2 hrs where i only saw him on weekends really..) for a whole semester. i had fallen in love with him and he with me. then he moved to where i was to go to school and be around me and everything fell apart. he ruined my birthday which was also an anniversary of 7 months. he ruined valentines day. he would say he loved me but he never proved it. he had a bad habit of smoking an illegal substance that i hated him to do.. i knew he wouldnt stop but he promised to at least try. it never happened. he started lying about doing it.. he started to smoke more if possible and had no job and i became his sugar momma.. i paid for food, i paid for dates, i even paid for his gas! it got ridiculous. valentines day came and i was let down.. we fought all the time and finally i ended it.
basically i knew that there were no longer more good days the bad and that it was time for me to stop crying about how he let me down again and move on with my life. the time of letting go of j has come. and now that is has... im having problems doing it. i want to let go... i really do. i want to be able to learn what the relationship taught me and move on and realize i am worthy of someone who says he loves me but actually proves it too. my only problem is doing that. my roommates have boyfriends.. both of which are serious and one will def end up married to her boy of over 4+ years and she doesnt understand this heartbreak. the other may understand but doesnt show it.. she has a bf who is going to be MOVING IN withus and i HATE him and im so disappointed in her always talking about him and having him move in rent free without even ASKING us. i dont know how long he will live here.. but it is NOT what i want or need right now. on top of everything.. these next two weeks before our spring break are JAM PACKED with exams that i HAVE to do well in.. and im having SO MUCH TROUBLE focusing on school rather than my break up. what i need is words of encouragement and quotes to hang up around my room that inspire me to get over it and move on and that i WILL be ok. ive had probs with depression and suicidal thoughts before with breakups and i dont want that to happen again. ive already lost my appetite and lost weight which is not good since im already skinny. please.. any help or inspiring words from someone who actually understands would be amazing. i just need someone who can sympathize with me. thank you for even listening to my pathetic ramblings.. it really means a lot.

HI jules,
I'm very sorry you're going through this. I'm told these help a heck of a lot:
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=21173.1
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=24935.1
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=24239.1
If you go ahead and let life happen and not be upset with it because your life isn't showing up the way you wanted or expected, you'd be shocked at how much faster this will all be. People in the middle of the breakup can't truly feel the happiness completely just as people in love cannot completely feel the pain of a breakup. We sort of count on that because if we all remembered how painful it can be, no one would ever fall in love ;-) So instead of being upset with your roommates, be happy for them as best you can, and that same good vibe will be returned to you several times over.
Good luck,