Trying to resist from calling Mr. Wrong

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2005
Trying to resist from calling Mr. Wrong
2
Wed, 02-01-2006 - 7:04pm

Hello:

My instinct told me he is Mr. Wrong from the very beginning when I knew him. But I followed my heart and felt for him - big time. He is a player and I feel that he has been using me for sex. I kept asking him how he feels about me and where it is going. But he always gives me some lame answers that never make sense or tells me things like "I like you and you are very special". It's been a while and I still can't get over him. He promised he would meet me the other day but he blew me off. I called him several time but he never picked up the phone. I wish he could just be a man and tell me what is really going on. I really really need a closure. I know he is not that into me otherwise he wouldn't have treated me this way. Maybe i won't hear from him again but I need a closure and I want to find out why he did what he did. What should I do? I need help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 11:34am

ivil_crystals...

PG thinks the words: "I LIKE YOU...YOU ARE SPECIAL" hold as much truth as each and every one of us winning the lottery!

But if your sexual desire to be with an idiot is STRONGER THAN YOUR COMMON SENSE....there's nothing any of us can say that'll change your views about him!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2006
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 12:44am
Hold that bastard accountable. Men do this to women ALL THE TIME, and it is NOT OK; if we let them get away with it, though, they will think it is, and go on to do it again and again to other women. I totally understand the need for closure, and there is nothing wrong with you for wanting it. This has happened to me twice in the past. On both occassions, I've sent an email basically guilting the guy into giving me some kind of explanation. Both times, I expressed dissapointment in them for their behavior, and stated that although it was fine that they ended up not being into me, if was NOT fine for them to just dismiss me in order to avoid the few uncomfortable minutes it would take to offer some kind of explanation as to why things didn't work out. I appealed to their sense of "decency" (not that they have any, clearly!), and asked that they provide me with the closure that I needed to move on. The tone was fairly condescending and accusatory, but I also tried to be somewhat understanding and sensitive to the situation, knowing that I would not recieve any reply if I was outright hostile. I did hear back from both men, and recieved some measure of closure in each case as a result. I think that email is a less confrontational way to try to deal with situations like this, because it places less pressure on him to explain himself, and there is less of a chance for things to get messy (as they might over the phone or in person). When men do this kind of thing, I think that with each day that passes, they feel like it's too late to try to explain themselves to you, even if they know it's the right thing to do. By sending an email, you sort of renew their opportunity to be decent about the situation, so I think most men would respond to this kind of appeal...unless, of course, you are dealing with a completely spineless jerk. In this case, you may not hear anything back, and as hard as it is to accept that, you'll just have to find a way to move on. Even in composing those emails, I told myself that I may not hear back from either person, so I made sure to say the things I needed to...in a way, then, this exercise could help you to achieve some closure even if he does not respond. Hope this helps, and sorry for what you're going through - I know how much it hurts :(.