Trying so hard not to call her!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Trying so hard not to call her!!!
5
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 11:55am
I really consider all of you my best friends since you have been there for me through all my posts. Now, I am having a hard time keeping myself from picking up and calling her. It's been 2 days since I have spoken to her and it is killing me...This was the first day after a year that we have not spoken on the phone. For the past year, we called every morning and even after I found out she cheated on me, she would still called me every morning and we spoke..now I am going nuts to pick up and call..I really miss hearing her voice and talk to her...What do I do? I tried everything to keep myself busy..but can not concentrate on anything else. I can't even work today....Why do I want her still so bad...please help me...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 12:34pm
hey there... if you're anything like me you are missing the "familiar"... it is very comfortable speaking to someone who know you so well, and very hard not to do the thing you are used to doing, which is to pick up the phone and call. Just try to remember the consequences here... calling won't fix anything, it won't renew your relationship, it won't rebuild your trust in someone who has so little respect for you that they cheated...

I do understand what you are going thru, as do many people here... my husband walked out on our marriage for the second time last month. After 9 yrs of seeing him and talking to him every day, it has been very, very hard to do the no contact. BUT, I know it is best... when I do have to see him (like when I bought the house from him, filed for divorce etc) I just cry afterwards and feel so depressed for what could have been... for what I wanted to be. The reality is he can not and will not provide what I need from a relationship, namely, a true commitment... neither can your ex. If she could provide you with a true commitment she would not have cheated.

So, yes, it's very difficult NOT to call... but do your heart and mind a favor and don't do it... it's in your control to do what's best for you now...

hugs...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 1:11pm
Here are some things that have worked for me:

1. Making a commitment to myself and to a good friend or my therapist NOT to contact my ex for a certain amount of time. At this point, you may need to go hour to hour. That's ok. Post here every hour, and make a commitment to yourself and to us that you are not going to call her for the next hour.

2. Thought-stopping...forcing yourself to not think about her. I will cut and paste a post from another board about this.

3. Making a set of index cards, one for each time she didn't treat you well and for each negative quality she has. You can remember the good stuff fondly LATER...for now, you need to focus on the bad. The thought-stopping post has details about this.

Hope this helps! I know it's hard to believe right at the moment but time WILL help.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 1:41pm
Hello,

Break the habit. I know it sounds simple but we get attached to someone because we get used to see them, talk to them and do daily activities with them. So, start the opposite process, soon you will realise that your memories fade away because you don't have anymore input from her.

I started doing this this week and is working. I was obsessively reading everything my ex posts in a message board about philosophy until I realised that this was keeping me stuck. Everything takes time, you only need the genuine desire to stop this painful situation.

Iliana

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Sat, 09-04-2004 - 1:37pm
Sometimes the simpilist little habits can be the hardest to break. It's like a drug addiction....just wanting to get that quick fix. I know it's a hard habit to break and we're here for you whenever you need us. Whenever you think of calling her post on here or call a friend....or leave the house and go where no phones are at....anything to prevent you from calling. Good luck and I wish you the best!!!
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2003
Sun, 09-12-2004 - 3:07am
u r on the right track...keep urself as busy as possible and make friends and start dating other people. move on and just take it one day at a time...