Trying to stay strong and keep NC

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2005
Trying to stay strong and keep NC
5
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 1:38pm

Just venting and needing support.

I met him yesterday of last year. I broke it off with him for about 4 weeks ago due to him lying to me and not treating me right and using me. During these 4 weeks, he's called a few times, pretending nothing happened and not admitting his behavior. I felt so lonely in this relationship. During this whole year, even when I was hanging out with my friends, or doing fun stuff with a group of people, I still felt so lonely deep down inside of my heart. I was never really happy. I cried so much and constantly wondering his intentions and where this is going. So finally, I couldn't take it anymore and called it off.

Anyways, the last time I hear from him was last Thursday. I still wish that he could have called yesterday. Maybe he doesn't even remember the "big day". I was so tempted to dail the number, but I can't. He has brought me nothing but pain. I know the right thing to do, which is to not call and cut contact. I somehow know this is the quickest way to get over a person.

It hurts so much that, I've known this guy for one year, I poured my heart out to him, I think of him 24/7. I so wish this could have worked out. But now, I will never see or hear from this person again. It's really painful. Especially now, that I am away from all my family and I am going through a very difficult time professionally. That's what makes this no contact even harder. At this time in my life, I really wish I had his shoulder to lean on. I wish he could be the person I can go to when I need some support. But my head told me that calling him and continuing this relationship will only add extra stress and make my situation even worse.

I wish this most difficult time in my life will pass soon, and I will be able to smile at this because it is making me so much stronger.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 1:58pm
I'm sorry you are hurting so bad, believe me I am as well. My ex would NEVER admit that he & his behavior was part of the problem. I just broke up with him (again) after a two year relationship. I wish this phase would pass for both of us quickly. I just keep reminding myself of why he made me so unhappy. I've even made a list of such things, like the fact that he is a rather unpleasant person until he gets a few beers in him, and my daughter calls him Prince Alarming. I'm trying to stick to the no contact rule as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 3:58pm

Your story has been the story of my life for the last month. My boyfriend and soon to be ex has made me feel very lonely lately and he has stood me up twice within the last week and half. He has brought nothing to table for the last month in our relationship and I have tried and tried to see him and have a relationship with him but I am finding out it is a lost cause. I am on my 3rd day of no contact and the next contact I make will be the break up call, I just need to get my thoughts together on what I am going to say (most likley in his VM). I totally feel your pain right now but please reassure yourself that you did the right thing. As long as you feel that there is closure to this relationship, you need to take some time to yourself and heal your heart. If possible, see if there are any support groups in your community, also if you get the urge to call him, call your mom, dad or a friend instead OR right a letter on what you were going to say over the phone. I have been writing down my thoughts lately on how I feel about my ex-to-be and it has helped a lot.

I wish you the best during this difficult but you are NOT alone anymore, you have already been through that in your relationship and I am here for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2005
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 4:35pm

Thanks for your support. I've been on this board a lot lately and I know some of your story with this guy. And I understand how it feels to be stood up. I used to wait for him to call me, and kept wondering why he hadn't called, for the past year. I jumped to my cell whenever it rings hoping it was him. I usually don't initiate the calls because I am afraid of reaching his VM. Don't you think it's unfair?! I feel I love the wrong guy as opposed to feeling "in love". I broke up with him over the phone too. I just told him it was over. If you are to do this to your guy, you have to be sure you are ready for this and will move on. I tried to break up with him several times, everytime in the past, I gave in. Not this time though, because I know this is the wrong guy for me. And I've found the closure in my heart, although it still hurts me so badly.

I wish you luck to on the healing process.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2006
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 4:36pm

hi ivil crystals

oh my god reading your post it seems that i'm reading my own story too. its hard but it much better than being with him as a prisoner..atleast now you have more apportunity to find a better guy and be happy.

i dont know whats wrong with this guys...i mean arent they supposed to be happy, glad, proud and etc...that they have as as their GF. well i guess they are stupiid not to know/seen that right?

just like my exbf believe or not he used to like me way back 1998...but he cannot ask me out coz his committed and i do too(also i dont know him and he knows me). well last yr..for some reason he saw me eating in this restaurant with my son. he ask me if that was my son...at first i dont want to talk to him coz i dont know him. so i just move my head instead...so he told me that he knows me...he mention my name. he knows my friend and he knows where i used to work. at first i was kinda scared. he ask for my number i dont know for some reason..i gave to him....sh!!!t i shouldn't give it to him...if i know i will end up broken heart. but anywayss sometimes if he calls i dont answer it..until oneday he show me that he really care and serious..so i gave it a shot...

i think i been choking him, not me knowing it!! so i guess his feeling faded(ouch)...well i guess that what relationship is all about..

good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 5:06pm

I just mentioned to my mom last night that I feel in love with the wrong guy and she totally agreed. I have to keep telling myself that this guy isn't right for me and never will be under the mental state that he is in. I would love to just call him and tell him we are done but at times I feel that I have called too much already and he knows how I feel and how I want answers but if he isn't willing to give them to me or he may not have the answers, there is no reason to call even if it is just to break up. NC is very hard but even just after 3 days of NC for me, I feel I am getting strong. At times today when I thought I would make that break up call, I would type what I was going to say and read it over and over and my heart is just saying that it isn't the right thing to do now and NC is better.

I am here for you and stay strong with your closure. I am proud of you that you found closure even though it is painful. I have a quote in my office from a male co-worker who knows what I am going through that says "You have control of your life, not some guy who doesn't care about you."