trying to stop thinking of him 24/7
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| Thu, 02-15-2007 - 4:50pm |
please help.........I was married when i was 17. been married for 33yrs. I have a wonderful job for the past 5 yrs. my problem is last summer my boss who is also a personal friend of mine began talking more personal. He told me he had these feelings for me for a long time. I was honest and told him so have I. We went the summer flirting and such. Finally one day he kissed me. we did not sleep together for a couple of months we just had a great time together. we work side by side everyday. Everything seemed fine for months. He is such a kind person with a big heart. My problem is he started to back off. before this he was wonderful. I must say that I have been friends with his wife for a long time. I feel so bad..... He told me it wasn't a change in his feelings, but worried about our reputation. We both agreed we would not hurt our spouses. My problem is he is strong, romantic, everything my husband is not. I love my husband but not sure if I am in love with him anymore. Would never leave him because he could not handle it. I was about to leave 29yrs ago and he went to pieces. sooo I stayed. Things are not bad between us just dead. please someone tell me how to stop obsesing over my boss. I know I love him I need to go back to work in 2 wks. side by side with him. we both agree to be friends and he still shares things with me. We still have coffee together, but its killing me. Everyone knows how much I love my job, not just because of him. So it is not an option to quit. To many questions will be asked.

Here's a thought: Why don't you take all that time and energy that you've spent obsessing over your boss and put it into ways to reignite the spark in your marriage?
Sorry honey, but a "strong romantic guy" does not cheat on his wife with another married person. He is not a good man with a kind heart. Maybe if you wrap your head around that you would stop obsessing about him. And this is your friend's husband!! What kind of friend are you??
The grass is not greener on the other side. Get out of fantasyland. Even if you both left your spouses if he cheated on one wife odds are good he'll cheat on the next.
I'm usually kinder with my posts but when I see a situation like this I will not sugarcoat anything. Infidelity is wrong no matter the circumstances.
Hi scios, Welcome to the board. I think you know that the relationship can't remain status quo without hurting a whole bunch of people.
"My husband claims to love me very much, but does not take the time or effort to show he cares."
Have you read Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman? I highly recommend it. Some people show love, but not in a way that we want it expressed.
I'm thinking you need to attack this issue in a couple of different ways: you need to emotionally separate yourself from this man since you don't want to physically separate yourself by leaving the job (which would probably be the best ideaa, but---), and, you need to spark the passion back into your marriage.