Two months since the break up

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Two months since the break up
3
Fri, 07-06-2007 - 7:43pm

Its been two months and I've come a long way, but I still have so far to go. I have resigned myself to the fact that for a while there are still too many parts of our lives that are connected, so he will be around until those things play out. I've done okay with NC otherwise, just contact him via email for business and lacrosse stuff. Its weird really, like hes lurking in my life. He got my son into a lacrosse camp that I coudln't afford on scholarship. Wrote him to thank him for that, so he shows up at camp with his son, his best friend and his best friend's son in tow. I stayed seated, pretended not to notice since they were standing way down field, but then he came up to sit near me. I was delightful, polite and chipper. He went to the field and I went over to say hello to his b/f and again, didn't discuss anything other than kids and lacrosse, was sweet, polite and dignified. It is hard, being nice, but I do it. Most of the time I'm wishing that he would go away.

Tuesday he called and said he had something for me he wanted to drop by my work. I didn't want him here, so offered to get it on my way home. (that way I wasn't stuck, could leave whenever I wanted)He gave me a AAA card, something he has done for me for years, but I assumed he wouldn't this year. I thanked him, chatted briefly and left. He mentioned that he may be coming to one of my son's games to check out the players for next year. Didn't think he'd show, but guess what? Wednesday I was chatting with one of my son's teachers/coaches whose son plays on the same team as mine. He and his wife are some of my fav parents! His wife left to get ready for 4th party, so it was just me and the dad. I thought the ex would be off in newly in love land with white suv girl, but noooooo, I see him drive by the field. Only noticed him because he was obviously straining to look down at the field from the road. So much so that nearsighted me saw it. I waited for him to come down to the field, but no ex. Then it occured to me, I was standing very close to my son's teacher as we had been chatting about my son's problem earlier this year and I didn't want the other parents to hear. We were the only ones standing and from the road it must have looked like...well, like me and some guy being very chummy and chatting away! LOL! Did I mention this guy is an ex marine and a big hunk of a man?

You'd think I'd be thrilled, and for a while I was. But you know what? I don't want him to think I am that shallow, that I am like him and most of all, I don't want him to think we're even. It's kind of like giving him permission to be a jerk. Like its okay to do what he did because I moved on and am okay this soon. Does that make sense? Now mind you, it does not bother me enough to say anything about it. He can jump to conclusions if he's like. Further, I'm hoping that this will keep him away once and for all. I won't be able to fully move on until then.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2006
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 12:25am

Yay for you! Stay strong, I have been following your story from the beginning, and I am happy that you are pulling through, and showing others that its NOT the end of the world.
Keep us posted!!!

:) Weez

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 4:57pm
Just remember he's not entitled to any explanation of what you were doing and why and his opinion NO LONGER COUNTS.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2007
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 12:31am

Thank you both for you words of support, heaven knows I need them. We've got two more games in summer league, then the playoffs, which I doubt we will make. It is my hope that seeing me with another man, even though he wasn't my man, will keep him away. If he doesn't show then I am pretty much in the clear for at least the rest of the summer, maybe forever. My son will play in the high school league next year and he coaches middle school, so we won't have games together anymore. I have decided not to work with him on the business project we have together, but haven't told him yet. Telling him that I quit seems like a cry for attention, a sort of attempt to get him to talk me out of it, so I am waiting until later. There is plenty of time before I need to get involved other than forwarding email to him.

Its odd, seeing him makes me *not* want him. I thought it would be different. The hard part for me is not telling him to get lost when I do see him and keeping the details of what a true butthead he is to myself around the parents of the kids on his team. I know that doing so would only make me look bad and also would set me back in my effort to move on.

The thing is, that him being in my world is keeping me in a kind of limbo between healing and denial. I know I won't be totally away from him as long as we live so close to each other, passed him on my way to the store today in fact and I'm okay with that. It is the threat of him showing up places like my son's games that is so unnerving, places where I can't get away and have to be polite. It's like he still has a foot in the door and I can't move on until that door is closed.

At least now I don't want to slam it on his foot! Pretty much over wanting to hit him with something heavy like my car! I just want him to go away so I can get on with my life already!!!