Uh Oh. Why am I getting Obsessive Now?
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| Fri, 04-29-2005 - 4:15pm |
Okay. Boyfriend cheated on me (twice, two different women even!). We broke up about 6 weeks ago because of it. I've become incredibily obsessive about this new woman (the second one he cheated on me with), even stuck her name in dogpile.com to see if there was any information or photos of her (yep there was).
Long story short, I contacted her once I found out she and he were talking (i've read that i made a mistake but i also confronted him as well) and told her that he and i were dating. Apparently, she didn't care and kept communication with him up. It caused a tiff with us as well but he is still trying to communicate with me.
So folks, why am I so obsessed with this woman? Is it one of the stages of breaking-up? This is hendering my process to move on right? But am curious, have any of you gotten so obessed? This is very weird to me I've never been in this situation before (cyberstalking) don't understand why I'm so obessed.

kaime...
PANIC and PARANOIA make strange bed fellows, don't they?
Look at what you've done and ask yourself (HONESTLY).....DO I FEEL ANY BETTER NOW THAT I'VE ONLY BEEN CHEATED ON TWICE BY THE SAME A**HOLE?
Then....if you can't straighten your head out by yourself or with some assistance from family or friends....GET A PROFESSIONAL TO HELP YOU.
Don't blame other people for hindering the "moving on" process.
You know Kaime, I think that pianoguy is right on the panic and paranoia front as to "what causes this behavior" but, from a woman's POV I think that as long as this behavior doesn't take over you or escalate anymore...I think what you're experiencing may be normal. At least I really hope it is b/c I've done sort of the same thing. My ex, well I guess you could say that he had a bout of "emotional" infedelity with his ex-fb--she had propositioned him earlier on in our relationship and, he not making it certain that she needed to back off (jacka**), she continued to pursue him throughout our relationship. Anyway, the night we broke up he was going down to see her for the weekend (she had just gotten out of the hospital) and I went a bit nutty...ended up snooping (ugh, the guilt) on his computer to find out more info about her (I'd "known" about her since my ex and I met but stayed out of his relations w/her and trusted him...until I didn't, that is). Well, I found out that he was having some (what I consider) really inappropriate convos with her and all hell broke loose. Even now, 3 months later, even knowing that it shouldn't matter what "she" did, only what *he* did, I still get bloody pissed at the thought of this ho-bag and have had to talk myself out of "googling" her name to see what's out there on her, if anything. I still get very upset at the thought of them "together" again--which is the panic and paranoia bit kicking in b/c I have zero knowledge of my ex's love life with, or not with, her. And even if I did, he has every right to see or sleep with whoever the heck he wants to, even if I think that girl is a skank-nasty ho (never met her, btw, she could be lovely for all I know. but I do know that I think she's evil b/c she seriously went against what I think is standard "girl code"--don't mess with someone who is taken, no matter how badly you want that person. it's selfish and disrespectful).
Well, I think what I'm trying to say here (other than convey my not-so-settled feelings about the ho-bag and my ex) is that when stuff like this happens, the feelings of loss and betrayal that set in can do all sorts of wacky things to a person. Grief hits, we panic, we get paranoid, we have moments of zen, then we're all crazy devastated again. This is all normal. The point where is becomes NOT normal, is when you can't function in your daily life...when you google that that persons address and start doing drive bys...calling them and hanging up...writing them hate mail...trying to hack into that persons email account...that sort of thing. Those actions would, to me, SCREAM the bad kind of crazy. Don't let those obsessive feelings own you, dictate your life or take over your every thought, and you're probably fine. Not an expert though. JMHO
Completely agree on the panic/paranoia thing he said. and I spit on those who don't follow the "girlcode" ie don't mess with another girl's man (while they are dating how rude!) Laughing at the "Grief hits, we panic, we get paranoid, we have moments of zen, then we're all crazy devastated again." statement, I am there. As for it taking over my life, nope - am functioning okay. Googled her that I did, it's not taking over my life - not enough to crank call her, hack her email or doing drive bys. I don't want it and will not allow it to escalate. I know that he did this (she helped b/c she did know of me) but it was him who cheated on me. Jackhole! I just seriously wanted to know if others had gone through some form of this.
On a side note - I am curious - when you looked at his email account was he furious with you? Why did you feel guilty? Because you found out things that might have been better left...unfound?