unable to let go - i want him back

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
unable to let go - i want him back
8
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 7:19pm

Hello.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 11:32pm

Welcome to the board orangemango,


Every break up is painful and it takes time to grieve and heal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2007
Thu, 01-17-2008 - 11:15am

Orangemango,


I just want to write to let you know that I'm going through the same thing you are and that you're not alone. Although...7 years is a long time (mine was only a 1.5 year relationship). I'm so sorry that you're going through this-it's painful.


What I realized through talking to Sandra (the other msg board admin person) and carrie is that letting go depends not on him but on me. The longer

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 1:42am

thank you so much for your response.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2008
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 5:16am

Hi Corina and Orangemango.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2004
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 7:58am

Hi OrangeMango-


I was in a similar situation. I met my "soulmate" in my junior year of undergrad. We dated for 7+ years. During that time, I worked very hard & saved $$ for us to get married. He had a degree in Computer Science, but decides to be a landscaper. He wanted to get married, I was not ready & wanted him in a stable career.


I go back to nursing school, and convince him to get his MBA. Well, he ended up becomingfriends w/ a female classmate, but I totally trusted him. Within 2 years, she went, according to him "some ugly girl" to "extremely sexy", and he was IN LOVE with her. I was devestated, as we had planned the wedding in our minds, he bought an engagment ring. He told me he had to "screw around", and I was too conservative for him...he knew this when I was 20.

seachells

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Sat, 01-26-2008 - 9:10am

Orangemango


I would not give him back the ring. When it was given to you, it did have meaning and the only reason for you to give it back to him would be to make a statement, so to speak.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Thu, 01-31-2008 - 6:20pm

Well it's been more than e full month since the breakup and for him it's two months because i was away on vacation while he had time to mentally prepare for the breakup.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2008
Fri, 02-01-2008 - 3:50am

Hi Orangemango,

I went through a similar breakup with my ex of 3 years. I was also going through a tumultuous time before the breakup; I was turning 30, thinking about a career change, and basically trying to find myself. But we also had our share of problems… dealing with his judgmental parents, feeling the pressure to get marry, and working through each other’s flaws. However, I realized the reason we broke up was because we weren’t compatible. Our timing was off. The fact is a relationship takes two people to work it out. If one person is off, then the relationship fails. Two people have to be willing to meet halfway. Sadly, but true. When my ex was ready for a marriage, I wasn’t ready. When I was finally ready, he had already moved on. I believe things happen for a reason. It would have been a mistake if I decided to do something I wasn’t ready to do and continue on with the relationship at that time.

I suggest take some time and do something for yourself. Maybe find a new hobby or have a girls’ night out to get your mind off of it, at least for a few hours. I know it’s going to be hard because I’ve been there, too. But this way, maybe you’ll meet new friends. If your ex wants this relationship to work, he will climb over mountains or jump through hoops to be with you. Just think… Someone else might be out there waiting for you right now, so don’t wait your time with someone who doesn’t feel that way about you anymore.