underlying reason?
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| Thu, 05-11-2006 - 4:27pm |
i posted yesterday
my boyfriend and i had a falling out a week ago and he moved out and home to his parents.
we were together 4 years and just lived together this past year with little success.
he works in boston and i work right outside of boston but we live about 35 miles west of boston.
so we both commute and such. anyway before he moved out...in the last month and a half he's been hanging out with his coworkers at bars after work and mostly on thursday or friday nights. this is fine but he calls me late that afternoon to tell me he wont be home until like 9 or 10 so that pretty much blows our night together and any chance that i can make alternate plans. we havent been really going out and such like we used to when we didnt live together. this is also the first time he hasnt lived with his parents (25 years old).
i am crushed needless to say that he left and he seems to be fine and goes out at night like he used to.
we're both looking for studios in the city since theres no way we will be moving in together again and i do realize it was a big mistake in the first place.
basically, i feel like he hasn't put much into the relationship for a while now and i think its because of his new job and coworkers. i didn't hassle, bother, or restrict him from doing what he wanted when we lived together.
i also think he initiated fights and kept them up just to create tension that he wouldnt forget which, in his mind, would make it easier for him to stop caring about me.
im just really hurt and alone. i can't wait to move back to boston but im stuck wondering who he's with and what he's doing while i'm sitting in the apartment that reminds me of us. my friends realyl don't live nearby and i like to party myself and it just kills me to think of him out at bars without me and not even caring.
my whole dilema is: was his new job and his desire to party at bars and in boston enough to make him want to be without me? i loved going to bars but he never liked going together becasue he was mad that guys would look at me. Also, he says he wants nothing to do with dating and committing to anyone else which i believe because its been hard on us both. i think we need time and space but im worried he's never going to want to work this out. maybe i don't either. maybe i just want to see him sad and missing me.
this all happened suddenly and it's really been tough to deal with. i also talk to him which i shouldnt but he says he still loves me but i honestly think he never had that crazy college experience and is now all of a sudden throwing our relationship away for it.
ugh i wish i could be stronger. writing here helps because i do see the faults in our relationship - i just wish i knew if and how long it would take to hopefully work out someday.
what to do???

I know it seems really important to figure out "why" this happeneed, but honestly, you will just drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out and you'll probably never know.
The "why" doesn't matter. It really doesn't--what you need to focus on is that if he's breaking up with you, then the two of you aren't right for each other. Maybe that's temporary (part of being right for each other is timing) or maybe it's permanent, but you can't control that. You need to accept that what will be, will be.
Sheri