UNSAFE SITUATION NEED ADVICE
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| Mon, 03-10-2008 - 10:54pm |
OK, so I have a NEW problem regarding my recent breakup. I had previously posted that my boyfriend has mental health issues. He takes medication for his problems. The breakup issues started on and off about two months ago (indecisiveness, flip-flopping, manipulating, sexually acting out with others- all symptoms of his issues) until he finally broke it off last week. We still live together and I am still left paying the bills, keeping the house clean, etc. so basically he gets all of the perks of a relationship with me and doesn't have to "answer to me", as he wished. He comes and goes as he pleases- mostly he goes. He rarely stops at home and when he does he shaves, takes his medicine, or changes clothes. I don't think he is sleeping (or sleeping on different people's couches?) and he is very aloof about where he is going and what he is doing. We have made several plans to sit down and work out the bills, cell phone plan we share, apt. etc. and he has broken those times to "go out" or "stay at a friend's". The latest weird thing is that he will call me obsessively several times in a row and then not call for up to 24 hours. I am fearful because I do not know what he is doing or if he is okay. He is acting like he needs help. Today's calls were focused on a missing wallet. He kept calling me to look for it. I reassured that I had and could not find it. He verbally attacked me and accused me of stealing it. (he had left it at the gym when he went to work out). Anyway, to make a LONG story short, he is either not taking his medication or mixing it with alcohol or something. His behavior is odd and erratic. We have no family or close friends in the area (we just moved here a year and ahalf ago). Calls to his mom have not helped (she believes his lies telling her he is fine) and I do not know if calling his counselor would help (he tends to believe his lies too).
I COULD say "screw him. he broke up with me." BUT 3 things...
#1- He is on my cell phone plan so his obsessive calling and texting affects me. The lease we share and bills we share affects ME.
#2- I believe his breaking up with me to be a symptom of his latest mental health issues.(he has done it before tho never for this long)
#3- I get severe anxiety when he calls frantically or stops by the apartment and behaves erratically. It affects me.
Anybody been thru something similar? I know I have to take care of myself, like everyone keeps saying, and I am eating well, sleeping, and doing things for me...but, his behavior affects me no matter what, and people I talk to do not seem to understand that.
Any thoughts?

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I really think you need to get yourself OUT of the situation, and if it hurts you financially, so be it.
#1- He is on my cell phone plan so his obsessive calling and texting affects me. The lease we share and bills we share affects ME.
While you are tied financially, you will have to take steps to untie....even if that means canceling the phone and paying the penalty.
Everyone does have a different opinion based on their own experience in life.
Like Carrie said, we're coming from a place of wanting you to be SAFE.
Also, NO amount of money is worth compromising your personal safety over.
There is NO DV...this is the problem with my reaching out for help. He is NOT abusing me. The DV center will not and can not help me because he has not been violent in 6 months, since he has been on his new medication. He never beat me at all, even when he did become violent. I do not need to flee my apartment or give up my last three months of schooling to run back home away from him.
I am very sorry if the break-ups that you have had have left a bitter taste in your mouth where men that break up with you are all abusive and you have to have no contact with them. This person's family are my family's neighbors. No matter what- I will always have contact. We have been together for 5 years and this all only started in the last 2 months. Since this started (even before the breaking up part) I began to break away as much as I could and focus on the things for me.
So I am going to school, eating, and sleeping, listening to music, journaling, and Guess what- I still have contact with him and will have to have contact with him. So, I am taking care of myself and I am still in the same situation. If my boyfriend broke up with me and moved on and I could not accept it, all of this advice would be wonderful. If my boyfriend was abusive toward me even if we were broken up, this would be helpful. I am just saying that it does not make sense for my situation.
He is not violent toward me, he is actually usually nice- the problem is he is behaving erratically and I am worried about what may happen next. In the past, what followed was a hospitalization, a new medication, a gambling or spending spree, something major to disrupt his life and the lives of all of his loved ones...One where he needed his mother, girlfriend, close friends to support him while he got treatment and the help he needed. I would like for that to not escalate to that point now. I realize I can no longer help him and would like for someone else to help me for a change, and help him to get the help he needs with or without me. I can't change him- that is fine. I can't change the situation- that is not fine cuz that is where it affects me.
Thanks for listening to the vent.
Huh.
It is unsafe emotionally. That is what I meant. Sorry for the misunderstanding. I am very down tonight...dunno if he will come home tonight or how this will turn out. I feel like I can not go on living here with school, but I am torn because I went into debt to go to school here and have a few months left.
Will someone please talk to me, I am very down?...
Ah, ok, thanks for clarifying that.
I'm sorry you're feeling down tonight.
Since your family and his family are friends, can you contact them and get them to help?
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