Update...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Update...
1
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 10:16am

I have posted a couple times on this board and for the most part, the responses have been really helpful and insightful. Well im back again with the same issue, same guy...i cant shake it. And I am making myself so confused and I am struggling with this.

This is the latest...we continued talking throughout all of the holidays and things were good and all. He came back from the holidays to school and thats when things started getting weird. He has been really busy with school, sports, and stuff. So the time that we get to hang out and talk is less and less. Well things were sorta ok and then I found out that his ex gf, the one who i have been having problems with, was coming down to visit for a few days and was crashing at his place. She had a temp job in the city and decided to stay here for that time. And things were ok during then, I definately freaked out bc its like I can never just have him to myself, or hang out with him when its just me and him, and all that. She didnt put up any crazy away messages like she usually does, just made me sorta jealous that she was around and they were hanging out and having a blast and everything, and I was back in town and still getting attention from him, but not as much as I would have liked to have. So she finally leaves this past week, and I was hoping that he would be anxious to see me and hang out...and on friday he called me to let me know that he was in my neck of the woods and wanted to see what i was up to, but i wasnt there. I told him I would give him a call when I got back to see what he was doing, well when i did he was leaving to go to dinner with his roomate and stuff, so that pretty much meant that I couldnt come over and hang out, and that the roomate and him were watching a movie together and he would talk to me later. The thing is, I really wanted to see him and hang out because it had been a month and a half and I missed him. Well that friday night, I was in and out of talking to him, just getting frusterated bc his ex was online and im sure he was talking to her, and it was just really hard. So yesterday, Saturday, we had talked of us getting together and hanging out. I left him alone for most of the day, didnt im him or call him. And then around 4:30-5 i ended up iming him being like hey you up for pizza and a movie later? and he told me that there was going to be no movie because his favoirte football team was on, but i could come over if i wanted to. So i ended up doing that, and i got there early before the game so i could at least hang out and spend time with him before the game started. Well it was pretty casual and I didnt expect anything really to happen, and his roomate who is one of my friends was there too...so it was really just casual and fun. We were laughing and joking around. My ex was kinda touchy, but I could tell somehting was up because he seemed kinda stiff, cold, and just not too excited to have me there. I could be completely overreacting, plus he has also been really sick lately too and has an ear infection so maybe that might have something to do with it. But his ex throughout the night kept on iming him, and I played it cool and pretended that I didnt see it and just ignored it all for my own sanity. But it just drives me up the wall that she cant leave me and him alone for one night for us to catch up. She had him for several days, and I havent.

Im trying to just get rid of my feelings toward him, and want to be able to hang out with him and have him call upon me to talk, laugh with, etc. I want to be that go to girl. But thinsg just seem weird right now. I dont know whats going on with him and his ex...they have always talked and hung out throughout most of our relationship. And he has said several times that there isnt anything going on, doesnt want to be with her, etc. Well i guess im just being jealous and want him to get excited to see me and hang out and everything as much as he might with her.

I guess im not feeling special or anything with him anymore. He has probably lost all in interest in me, even though he was checking me out like crazy last night. But it just hurts and feels like someone keeps on stabbing me in the stomach. She treated him like dirt and he has said that they are better off as friend, but i dont think he ever got over her despite dating me for 8 months. And im not sure if he ever will...she really wants to be with him again, and im scared to see him go for her again.

The other thing is that he took down a picture of me and him online last night too after i left, and for some reason that part really hit me hard. I dont know if its because she had a problem with it, or if he just didnt like the picture, or his friends were giving him a hard time...who knows...its his life, but im feeling pushed away.

What can i do to mend our friendship? I know i deserve better and i feel great about the fact that there is someone else out there for me. I look forward to that, but I also value my friendship with my ex, and right now I feel like im fighting. Help!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: dance147
Sun, 01-15-2006 - 7:09pm

This probably isn't what you want to hear...I know we all want to think we are the exception to the rule. But from very painful experience, I can tell you that until you are completely over him, you can't be in a pain-free friendship with him.

The best thing you could do for yourself is withdraw for a while and take a few months (at least) off from having contact with him. Once you are at the point where you're fine with him being with another woman (whether it's his ex or someone else), THEN you are ready to be friends.

Sheri