Update to bad situation
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Update to bad situation
| Tue, 10-16-2007 - 3:52pm |
Hi, big news. CLs, I'm not sure how to link this to
| Tue, 10-16-2007 - 3:52pm |
Hi, big news. CLs, I'm not sure how to link this to
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1. even if i had acted more rationally and been more understanding of him (and read his mind, like he apparently wanted), something of this magnitude was bound to happen.
2. despite whatever mistakes i've made, i did not deserve to get treated the way i did.
3. whatever's going on with him is out of my control. he11, i can't control anyone's life but my own.
4. it's up to me if i want to be friends with him. he does not hold that card. right now i cannot be friends with someone who lacks respect for me and our relationship.
5. my happiness does not depend on somebody else. what he did hurt me a lot, but it's not a matter of "i'm only happy if things are good between us."
6. better exists. i deserve it, and it will come to me.
7. this is not the same man i fell in love with. he admits he has changed and is a new person. i oppose the way he went about bettering things for himself, not the fact that he strived for a better life.
8. within a few weeks, he is trying to obtain something that we couldn't accomplish in a few years. again, this is out of my control because it's his life and his mistake.
9. i do not want to be with someone who's obviously so lost. no matter what he says, you cannot obtain happiness within a few weeks, relationship-wise, personally, in any way at all. major change takes more time than that. but delusions are a quicker fix.
10. this is hands down the harshest pain i've experienced, preceded by the strongest love. to date, i have not tackled a challenge this big. i will try to get through this. when i do, it'll prove i am stronger than i've thought.
hey, i'll talk to ya!
so here's a thought...how do you think his new girl is gonna like being his slave? yeah, she'll tire of his selfishness & b.s. pretty quickly...
thanks, devuchka and sandradee. i actually have another update.
against most of the advice i was given (i really felt i had to do this), i called him today to clarify some of what we talked about yesterday. and i actually feel a little better about things.
he says that everything he told me yesterday was the truth -- that he was not with her during our time together, that he didn't have feelings with her before he ended things with me, and that yes, indeed, it happened over the course of about a week. when he broke it off with me, he did not foresee him being with her. he says that while me and him were together, he and her were only friends. she was a good friend, but that was it, he says.
as for the time element, his reasoning is that right before he broke up with me, when he disappeared and cut off contact with the world, he "walked into the room as one person, and later emerged as a different person." the first person was tied to me; the second person, who he is now, wasn't. and so that's why there's back-to-back relationships, according to him. their relationship has nothing to do with me.
his reasoning for starting something with her: "for the first time in a long time, i felt safe." he knows that this new relationship contradicts his explanation of wanting to better himself by placing the top focus on himself; he says he's still trying to figure that part out. he also says none of his loved ones know what happened because he's still trying to figure it out.
he stressed that this new relationship doesn't change the fact that he had "closed the door and double-locked it"
i'm so sorry to hear your story. how painful. i'm glad you feel better though.
in case your feelings change, don't be afraid to get good & angry.
thanks. it is really harsh, especially considering that i'm not trying to get back with him. i just wanted answers.
he wasn't always like this; up until a few months ago, he treated me wonderfully. i'm not defending the behavior, but it goes
i'm glad you're not blaming yourself. i've been doing a bit of that for me...
but the book the 4 agreements, the second one is don't take anything personally.
i think back to some of the things my ex said a few times "sometimes i really like being with you & sometimes i get really annoyed." he said this twice about 2 different things going in the annoyed part. i'm thinking he probably feels that way about himself - that he annoys himself.
it's a minor example b/c really he wasn't harsh with me at all
yeah, i start to blame myself, but then i try to stop just as quickly. i keep saying (and others keep saying) that if it wasn't the distance issue, it would've been some other issue that would've set him off. like a fight with a family member or something.... which i cannot control.
what's most annoying is when they're not upfront about what they're feeling. gimme a break about "i just don't want to hurt you"; just freaking say whatever it is and avert worse pain later!
I didnt read all the other posts in this board, so i dont know if someone said this already but everything he has said to you is basically screaming:
"SHES A REBOUND!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
From when he said :
"he wants to focus more on himself"
"that he was not with her during our time together"
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