update on broken up after 2 years!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
update on broken up after 2 years!!
4
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 1:18pm
Thank you for all the advice!I spoke to him today, i've realized i love him so so much and i don't want to lose him. He calls me teling me how much he loves me. I've explained to him that i wanted us to take a break not break up! But when i asked him today he told me that we were broken up and that it's fair game. for example if a girl was to ask for his number or he gets a girls number i have no right to be mad. We were supposed to just take a break and think about things, you know like realize how important we are to one another. I'm so hurt by that! He was trying to explain that it's not like he's going to be out there trying to sleep with all the girls that come his way and that i was the one he wanted to marry, but we can't keep fighting like this. I told i don't want to fight either that was my point from the beginning. He wants me to prove it to him that i won't keep getting so mad a him everytime, and that he doesn't believe me right now. Should i just let him have his space and see how things go? i don't want to lose him and i def. dont' want him to sleep with anyone else! What should i do? i know we need a break but i did not want us to BREAK UP! Please help any advice right now is great. I've cried and cired and i just can't think straight. it would be so much easier if i was not in love with him anymore. Should i just let him be by himself and stop calling?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 1:49pm

HI HEARTBROKEN

YES DEFINETELY STOP CALLING HIM..YOU JUST MAKING THE SITUATION MORE WORST AND MAKING HIM SCARED. IF YOU STOP CALLING HIM THIS IS THE BEST WAY FOR HIM TO KNOW YOUR IMPORTANTS. BUT IF YOU STILL AROUND HIM HE WONT KNOW YOUR VALUE RIGHT?

DONT MAKE YOURSELF LOOK STUPID TO HIM..THAT HIS THE ONLY ONE AND NO ONE ELSE THAT WILL LOVE YOU MORE...RELATIONSHIP IS NOT ABOUT BEGGING AND LOOK HELPLESS. TRUST ME IS NOT!!
IT WONT MAKE DIFFERENT FOR HIM TO STAY. IF THIS GUY REALLY LIKE YOU OR LOVES YOU. HE WONT MAKE THE SITUATION MORE CONFUSING AND HE WONT DO SUCH THINGS TO HURT YOU.

YOU JUST NEED TO ACCEPT THE TRUTH AND MOVE ON...DONT LOWER YOURSELF ESTEEM. STOP PUTTING YOURSELF DOWN JUST FOR HIM STAY...HE WONT ANYWAYS. COZ IF HE WILL HE WONT WASTE ANY SECOND OF HIS TIME NOT BEING WITH YOU IN OTHER WORD HE WONT MAKE SUCH HARD TIME WITH YOU.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2006
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 3:48pm

I wish there was a simple answer for you but there isn't....i've been in your place where my guy broke off with me coz he thought we fought too much n when i told him let me show him otherwise he didn't want to believe me....

what i can say is make sure u r fighting about the same fight, not two different fights. And then tell him these are the tings that really makes u mad (like things he does without thinking would bother you) and really its to just convince him that you are willing to work on you getting mad at him if he can work on those things that might cause you to get mad....it takes two to tango, so he and you must be willing to talk about things...and both must be willing to try and change so the small things can be brushed off without turning into a fight. But at the same thing, don't promise you'll do something you cannot do, just let him know you are gonna try your best, the rest would be up to him

Hope that helps, best of luck with ur situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 4:47pm
that makes a lot of sense, thank you! but what i was wondering to is why did he have to say that we were broken up and that it's free game? Do you think he's out there looking? testing the water? How can i bring it up to him or let him know that i am really sincere about changing? All he says is he doesn't believe me right now. how am i supposed to pursuay him into giving US another chance?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2006
Tue, 05-02-2006 - 5:12pm

heartbroken_confused....

i know the position you are in as i've been there. unfortunately there isn't any way to convinve him as i have learnt. the thing is he has to want to give u the chance in order for u to show him that. what i can tell u from what i have learnt is that one way to maybe prove u can be different (without losing you and what u believe in) is by playin it cool n i guess not bringing up the issues at hand if he doesn't want to discuss it...more so don't let the emotions of things get the better of you to react in a way he would expect you to react.

as for the saying you are broken up, maybe thats what he wants....or another lesson i learnt the really hard way is boys/men whatever u wanna call them can be JERKS!!! Sometimes they still care but they think they need to be mean to you so you can maybe not like them or something, i'm not sure their logic, but thats what my ex did too...he lied pretended he didn't care the time years didn't matter when it did...(the truth eventually comes out), but i cannot tell u a sure way to find out if he meant what he said or why he said it....it all comes down to how well u know him and how thigns were b/w you....it might juts be his way of trying not to let his feelings gte in the way or maybe he does want to test the waters to make sure...sorry if that sounded harsh

maybe what i learnt can help you a bit....as hard as it is hang in there n go with it day by day n i guess for now with how he want things (indirectly u are showing him something) n try not to let emotions get the best of things