We have quite similar stories, tho there is no France for me although there is a FranCINE! lol (trying to have some humor about it). We, too, live together, and are supposed to meet tonight to "talk". I don't even know who's idea it was, it just kind of has to be done at least regarding the apt. and bills and boundaries, if nothing else.
Don't talk to him. It seems like you're digging yourself in deeper and deeper. The best thing you could do for YOU and for the relationship is to remove yourself from it. (Understandably), your emotions are running way too high right now to see things clearly. My guess is that if you talk to him now, you will come across as irrational and desperate ... and he won't hear a word you are saying.
Like others have suggested, wait 6 months before you talk to him. It will give you time to get centered and him time to see what life is like without you. In that time, work on You and the changes you want to make for you, so you'll be ready for your next relationship no matter who it's with...this guy or someone else.
As for living with him... make HIM move out!!!! He's the one who ended it, he has to live with his choices! If it's his apartment, then he can move back in once you've found a place to live. YOU'RE MAKING THIS WAY TOO EASY FOR HIM! Maybe it's an attempt to prove to him how wonderful and accomodating you are so he will want to stay together??? But instead, I think you'll just come across as needy, clingy and a pest who just won't go away (sorry to be so harsh, but I'm trying to get through your emotional gunk so you can hear what we all are saying).
Show him how wonderful and deserving your are by being good to YOU, taking care of YOU, maintaining YOUR boundaries and looking out for YOUR well being. He won't respect you if you don't. And you won't respect you if you don't. And by the way, he's already doing this for himself!
Him talking about the relationship now and when he's being nice....is HIM getting closure, not trying to work things out. My guess is when he's mean and frustrated it's because YOU still want to talk about things, but he doesn't, because he already is working on his closure!
I know you still love him and your feelings just don't go away. I know you still have hope for a future with him. But right now, your emotions are way too high for you to think clearly. Step away from him and the situation. Start No Contact.
Read some of the articles in the resource section - Zen of Doing Nothing; How to Get Over Your Breakup; Thought Stopping Techniques; When He Asks for Space; and When to Contact After he Asks for Space (I realize this is a break-up and not space, but there's good advice in there either way).
Nicole, he's not going to miss you if you don't go away. And without him missing you and then HIM making he effort to get back together, you will never know if he really does want to be with you, or if he's just appeasing the situation until he leaves for France.
The most important thing - you will feel more in control - of yourself, your future, your life - if you step back, get clear on things, your actions, your feelings, what you want for your life.
This board exists to provide support, not criticism. Please remember that people going through a breakup go through *myriad* of emotions, thoughts, etc., when bombarded with the emotional fallout after the relationship falls apart and typically, it is the rare exception that someone is in any kind of rational state in order to be making decisions of any type-- which is why we suggest the 24-hr waiting period on any thoughts to take any kind of action. Things are always much clearer to those standing outside the relationship.
Compassion, understanding, and respect go a very long way to establish rapport and to lend support.
Nicole,
I think you're setting yourself up to be hurt.
You right there I shouldn't get my hopes, but I can't help not hoping.
Nicole,
We have quite similar stories, tho there is no France for me although there is a FranCINE! lol (trying to have some humor about it). We, too, live together, and are supposed to meet tonight to "talk". I don't even know who's idea it was, it just kind of has to be done at least regarding the apt. and bills and boundaries, if nothing else.
Drop me a line if you would like to talk.
Good luck!
ugh I am so mad right now for various reasons. !) I just wrote a response and when I clicked to edit it my whole post was ghost!
Second main reason my EX (its def. permanent in my mind!) douchbag boyfriend doesn't want me to move back into our apt.
You guys should I even bother talking to my ex-boyfriend tomorrow?
Gal Blondie
Gal Blondie
Nicole,
Don't talk to him. It seems like you're digging yourself in deeper and deeper. The best thing you could do for YOU and for the relationship is to remove yourself from it. (Understandably), your emotions are running way too high right now to see things clearly. My guess is that if you talk to him now, you will come across as irrational and desperate ... and he won't hear a word you are saying.
Like others have suggested, wait 6 months before you talk to him. It will give you time to get centered and him time to see what life is like without you. In that time, work on You and the changes you want to make for you, so you'll be ready for your next relationship no matter who it's with...this guy or someone else.
As for living with him... make HIM move out!!!! He's the one who ended it, he has to live with his choices! If it's his apartment, then he can move back in once you've found a place to live. YOU'RE MAKING THIS WAY TOO EASY FOR HIM! Maybe it's an attempt to prove to him how wonderful and accomodating you are so he will want to stay together??? But instead, I think you'll just come across as needy, clingy and a pest who just won't go away (sorry to be so harsh, but I'm trying to get through your emotional gunk so you can hear what we all are saying).
Show him how wonderful and deserving your are by being good to YOU, taking care of YOU, maintaining YOUR boundaries and looking out for YOUR well being. He won't respect you if you don't. And you won't respect you if you don't. And by the way, he's already doing this for himself!
Him talking about the relationship now and when he's being nice....is HIM getting closure, not trying to work things out. My guess is when he's mean and frustrated it's because YOU still want to talk about things, but he doesn't, because he already is working on his closure!
I know you still love him and your feelings just don't go away. I know you still have hope for a future with him. But right now, your emotions are way too high for you to think clearly. Step away from him and the situation. Start No Contact.
Read some of the articles in the resource section - Zen of Doing Nothing; How to Get Over Your Breakup; Thought Stopping Techniques; When He Asks for Space; and When to Contact After he Asks for Space (I realize this is a break-up and not space, but there's good advice in there either way).
Nicole, he's not going to miss you if you don't go away. And without him missing you and then HIM making he effort to get back together, you will never know if he really does want to be with you, or if he's just appeasing the situation until he leaves for France.
The most important thing - you will feel more in control - of yourself, your future, your life - if you step back, get clear on things, your actions, your feelings, what you want for your life.
best of luck to you,
zjaney
you guys I am here at my apartment packing my stuff right now.
This board exists to provide support, not criticism. Please remember that people going through a breakup go through *myriad* of emotions, thoughts, etc., when bombarded with the emotional fallout after the relationship falls apart and typically, it is the rare exception that someone is in any kind of rational state in order to be making decisions of any type-- which is why we suggest the 24-hr waiting period on any thoughts to take any kind of action. Things are always much clearer to those standing outside the relationship.
Compassion, understanding, and respect go a very long way to establish rapport and to lend support.