UPDATE - Day 11 of NC..HELP! Please Read
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| Wed, 01-02-2008 - 2:12pm |
Hi all,
I just wanted to update everyone and say that I'm now on day 11 of NC and it was very easy for some reason in the beginning. Its still been easier than I thought, I've been able to tough things out and understand that this man is verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive, toxic, addicted to drugs, alcohol and women, is a liar and a cheater, and that's been keeping me from breaking NC, but I'm here because I need some help from you guys. I'm starting to get weak moments since New Year's Day. I guess in the back of my mind I was kind of thinking he might text or msg to say happy new year, but he never did, and I don’t know why, but that made me a little sad. Not a merry xmas, not a happy new year from him, not even a response to that text I sent the day after our breakup asking if I could still expect payments for the money he owes me (he owes me a couple of grand).
I know he is going to be trying to detox again from the alcohol on 1/13, and that when he's tried to detox in the past, he is even more of a monster, so that's been keeping me away too. He's still drinking now and drugging, and I'm sure he's being with other women, and the idea makes me upset. I keep finding myself wondering what he's up to and I hate that I'm allowing myself to do this!!! I know its wrong and it doesn’t even matter what he's up to, and that I shouldn’t care and I should just concentrate on me, but for some reason I find my thoughts drifting. I was able to leave this relationship gracefully with my dignity intact which I feel so good about, and I'm on day 11 of NC which shows him that im keeping my dignity as well, but I almost feel like the holiday brought me down a little. When the ball dropped I was upset because I had nobody and I found myself wondering what he was doing and who he was kissing at the stroke of midnight. It really sucks, I don’t want to break NC and look like a jerk, he's made it painfully clear that he doesn’t want anything to do with me, and I know that he's nothing but abusive and full of baggage and problems and just bad news, but I still just need someone to talk me off the ledge here so to speak.

Did you have a different user name previously--cherry something?
It's very common to feel as you are during the holiday season.
Hi,
I also think it was the effect of the holiday season, because it was so much easier before new year's came and went.
Jacki
153.2 / 152.2 / 120
Yes, as I said, I think if you can keep up NC for a few more days, it'll get easier.
are you sure you aren't dating MY EX!? ;)