Update- He called to talk after break up

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2006
Update- He called to talk after break up
3
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 7:59am

My ex-boyfriend called after the 10 days of no contact. His grandmother died and he broke up with me the same week. He said that he has had the worse week of his life. We talked and got alot of things out in the open. We talked about what happened that lead to our breakup and we both realize that we both are to blame for the the result. He it was too hard for him to talk to me because of the hurt he felt and also he thought that I hated him. I told him that I don't hate him, I still love him. He was crying, I was crying. It was up and down the 2 hours we were on the phone. I found out that I hurt him and I didn't realize it and I told him how he hurt me and that I never wanted to break up with him. He told me that he thought that I was always in this relationship with one foot out the door. He said that this was the best relationship he has been in and I said the same thing. We both agreed that we both learned alot from each other and realize our mistakes. He said he still wants me in his life and wants keep the communication between us. I agreed and we both agreed that we need time to get through this hurt. He said before he sees me again, he just needs time. I still love him. I have been thinking about the good our relationship, there was alot of good. But, I now realize where we went wrong. There's alot of things that I would do differently if I was given a second chance. I said to him, "Who knows what the future will bring." With what I know now, I hope not to make these mistakes again.

The last thing he said was for me to call if I wanted to talk and I said the same to him.

I am giving him his time and I need my time also. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I just have to be strong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 1:52pm

yap your totally right things happen for a reason....and the good thing is we realized what we lost and what mistakes that we did.....sometimes us ladys blame evrything to our ex's...we always see them wrong which is not right...we supposed to see both side..

well atleast we learn some lesson and hopefully on our nxt relationship...we wont do it again...good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 1:53pm

Hi

You sound a lot like me... after he broke up with me last week (jan 1.) we did some talking. We talked about things that we should have talked about a long time ago. We didn't talk for about 3 days and he called last night to talk about some things - not us - just life in general. The conversation turned to us - and where we go from here.

I realize now, that what happened wasn't anyone's fault. We just tried to hard, and not hard enough at the same time. We both want to share in the joy of the other, but it's not meant to be for us to share the same joy I guess.

It still hurts sometimes. But talking to him last night was more than the band aid that it was the first few times... it was genuinely nice to talk to him. I asked him how he is doing. That was hard for me, but it felt better hearing him tell me that it is up and down and that he misses me as much as I do him.

This doesn't mean that there is a chance for us. There honestly isn't. We were both caught in a rut that we couldn't transcend together. I need to move on with my life, and my family and what makes ME tick. He too, cannot do the things that he wants to do with me in his life because I have a lot of responsibilities and commitments.

I thought at first that I wanted him to call me crying - telling me that he still loves and wants me. I know that he loves me. I know that I will always hold a special place in his heart, and that he will in mine. But - I realize now that there is no turning back.

I asked him to reconsider. I begged him. That hurt more than it helped. We have not cut off contact, however we have agreed that if one of us tried to make contact and the other is not responsive for a while it is ok. We have agreed to ease into a new friendship - and to nurture it as we always have. However, we both know that right now we need to let that die. Otherwise, it can never be reborne.

I guess sometimes I think to myself - maybe when we are both whole again someday we will come to decide that we were right for each other. But to me, I have to live for whatever else is intended for me. He wasn't my destiny...

I'm still crushed... I'm grieving... I'm sad.... I cry.

I am eating. I am sleeping. I have turned to my friends and I have buried myself in work. I cry for the loss of my hopes and dreams, and then I smile and remember that I still have those hopes and dreams... and that they were never lost. Only different.

I don't know if this makes sense... but I feel for you.

And... we too have agreed to call when we feel like talking. After all, he understands what happened between us... as do I... and no one else knows because they weren't a part of us.

Hugs.... I hope that it all works out for you in the way that it is suppposed to!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 8:37pm

Hey,

Thank you. It's some comfort knowing that what I feel is not abnormal. I do realize that I have to let him go. I love him enough to do that. If it's meant to be, it will. I cannot rush anything, I just have to live my life now for me. When we spoke, we questioned whether we were meant to be together, meant to meet and how maybe this just not the right time. I miss him. All the memories, good and bad. We had alot of fun together and did alot of things together for the first time. I realize the hurt has to come first. We both need to heal from this. What gets me is that we are so alike in jokes, values and aspirations. When we broke up, he said that we were not connecting somewhere. Somewhere, somehow we lost that connection. I am taking it one day at a time. I do want to see him. But, not when I still feel hurt. This experience will make us both better people in the end. After all this, I still believe in love. I now realize that both people need to take control of the relationship, it can't be on autopilot.

I still think about him. I wonder if he thinks of me. I also wonder what lays ahead for me now.

Thank you for the HUG! I needed that.