Update on my "2nd chance" w/ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Update on my "2nd chance" w/ex
4
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 2:01am

Well, despite warnings and even my own doubts, I went out with my ex last week. We had happy hour, went shopping, and saw a movie. Had a great time. No tension, no confrontations. He even told me that he had a great time. I was sick, too, so he even got me cold medicine at the end.

Right now, how do I feel? Disappointment. Since last Friday, which was when we went out, the only communications that we've had is 2 emails (first initiated by me, telling him that I'd had a nice time) and his phone call to me yesterday. I guess he'd called just to say hi, I dunno, and to tell me that I may have given him my cold. I was coughing a lot and told him that I didn't have any 4th of July plans (got canceled at the last minute from work), and he was on his way to a friend's barbecue. The whole phone call lasted 6 minutes- he called while driving to his friend's house. I called him tonight but didn't leave a message (no pickup on his end). No call back, either.

I don't think it's going anywhere. I don't feel excited about him anymore. But I still feel bad- like I'm not sure why. Just that- he's still living with his ex, he was all sexually flirtatious with me when we went out last Friday but there was no official talk about getting back together or our "relationship" or anything like that, that night or since.

He was bad news, and I deserve better than feeling crappy like this. Oh yeah, in the pain of the breakup last last week, I joined eharmony. Haha!!! I know, SandraDee, I'm totally NOT in the right frame of mind to even go there again. Well, my thing expires in a couple weeks anyway, and it's already paid for, so I'll just finish it out for this month. I haven't re-subscribed for next month and don't plan to.

I just want to stop feeling bad and stop wondering why I haven't been able to meet a guy with whom I can have a meaningful loving relationship in 7 years. Yeah, seven years was the last time I was in love and in a significant relationship. Since then, my "relationships" have lasted only 2-4 months. I'm so tired of this...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 3:31am
It also doesn't help that I keep beating myself up mentally for being in my early 30s and never having been married (I know I know- Gloria Steinem didn't get married until her 60s). Also, it doesn't help that my grandmother (and aunt) continuously and RELENTLESSLYYYYYYYYYYY tell me that I "NEED" to get married- like RIGHT NOW. Ugh.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 8:20am

I know, I'm in my early 30's too and I have to admit that I feel like I "failed" or something because I've never been married. All my friends have pretty much moved on in their lives and have married and started a family. It's crazy....I almost wish that the breakup I'm going through right now is a divorce and not just a breakup! At least I can say someone was willing to take the "plunge" with me, but it just didn't work out. Well it is almost a divorce (at least it feels like it) because we lived together for 3 years and were together for 5. But we shouldn't be putting pressure on ourselves to get married. What are we supposed to do, marry just anyone? No, we have to meet the right kind of person...someone you we can have a healthy relationship with. There are a lot of people out there, you just have to give it time. I always wonder...it seems like most people get married by the age of 30...how many of those people actually met the "right" person by that age? What are the chances of that? Maybe that's why there are so many divorces. People think that they have to be married by a certain age, so they might settle for someone that might not be the best choice for them (even though they might not realize it at the time). Who knows. But you have your whole lifetime to find someone special who is really worthy of your time. That's what I keep telling myself anyway!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 9:38pm

....."I just want to stop feeling bad and stop wondering why I haven't been able to meet a guy with whom I can have a meaningful loving relationship in 7 years.".....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 9:57pm

Good post :)

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