Update~30Day & Contact~Coffee ahead

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Update~30Day & Contact~Coffee ahead
1
Sat, 04-07-2007 - 12:56am

Hi Everyone,

Just an update. First, I started seeing a therapist. It was intended for my 13 yr old son who seems to be testing the waters & because of his grades BUT I began going for myself too. I read the book by Brian Caniglia on getting your ex back...and didn't know what I wanted to do BUT...I followed the "rules" of the book, started dating, excercising, and I went 30 days of No Contact. Last Thurs I made the call, when he didn't answer the cell, I didn't leave a message & would try again at another day (per rule of the book). Within an hour, he had called me & left a message. When we spoke, it was a good, lighthearted convo, laughing about old times. He admitted that during this past month.. he has looked for my car at my work (and didn't see it) and asked if I was still there, he admitted that he thought that if he ventured out during lunch, when I would be out in town, he might be able to run into me. We e-mailed a little. Now, a Happy Easter wish & a comment was made, "at least if you ever run into me at lunch, you know you can say Hi now" UNLESS..you want to run into me on purpose?? Then we decide to get together for coffee sometime next week for more catch up... a planned meet.

Now, here's the thing. I went through my WHOLE history of my relationship & break up with my therapist & he knows everything about it! I asked him "Doc, Am I crazy or wrong for trying to get my ex back with these following steps". His reply...there are couples who get married, get divorced, and end up remarrying ...who is to say that it couldn't work out & you'd get back together.. as long as you know what your doing going into this! He may have had a change of heart, maybe he & you needed time apart? Maybe he will feel something still when he sees you? The doc would've told me if he didn't support this, but he didn't? He knows I still love him, and that I'd be willing to TRY at least to see what happens? Maybe just a friendship, maybe more? I guess we'll see? Worst case scenario...I learn a lesson & share it with all of you. I don't plan on meeting him to say I want him back...its just a 45 min - 1 hour meeting, happy, friendly, light hearted, and see how it goes.

Also, my therapist did say something...he reassured me..."It wasn't YOU that caused the break up...it is something inside of HIM"! But, he needs his own therapy for that, to deal with his past & fears of being hurt, of his love & commitment issues and hopefully he will seek it out someday. I guess I found I blamed myself for being too easy going, forgiving, available and understanding & it gets me walked on/dumped on! It wasn't ME!

SO, I guess we'll see what happens next. I hope you all don't hate me for this attempt? I guess if I didn't do it, I'd never know, I can't tell which is worse? I'm prepared for the worst & hope for the best. I know I will hear many reviews, mostly "don't do it" but...I hope that even if it doesn't work out for me that I will STILL have a place to go to & have even more knowledge to share to maybe help someone else!
Happy Easter to all, Sweetie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sat, 04-07-2007 - 1:40pm

Best of luck on your coffee meeting ;) I hope it all goes smoothly for you. Never go through life wondeing what if, that's the worst.

Let us know how it goes!

~~.: Sandra :.~~


CL- Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

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