The ups and downs of NC. Day 3
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| Thu, 01-25-2007 - 3:34am |
So after yo-yoing on the idea of NC, I finally decided after a weekend of trying to do the plutonic friends thing that NC was best for me. Just passed the 48 hour mark a few hours ago for what it's worth. Does checking each other's web pages still qualify as NC? For some reason I can't pull myself away. She's changed the headline on her myspace a few times with vague comments that I'm guessing refer to our relationship. I think she's trying to get me to bite on them and break NC but I'm not remotely tempted....yet at least. Also, I can pretty much tell (through the counter thing) that she's been visiting my page as well. We really "broke up" in early Dec. and ended being physical at the end of the month so the comment of not being with her isn't totally foreign. We've just been friends the past 4 weeks or so (with me every week or so pathetically begging for a relationship again). Not, talk to you on the phone every couple of days friends but still hanging out a few times weekly and talking regularly. Should the healing should be faster now that NC has started b/c the thought of being without her has had some time to sink in....since early Dec?
I guess I still have this hope that she'll change her mind and want me back but I'm starting to grasp the concept that it's impossible. The worst thing is how your own mind can be your worst enemy. I had a super realistic dream last night that she came crawling back after NC started and decided that she was wanting to try a relationship......only to hear the alarm clock go off and wake up right as she came to embrace me at the front door.
That's the soft/weak side. This other part of me says that things can never be the same between us b/c she betrayed my trust in us and b/c even if she wanted me back, I don't know if I could ever look at her the same way again.
Anyway, I still look at the phone and hope to see a call or a text or an e-mail but I haven't really been tempted so far. It's kind of become a battle of wills now and for once, I'm determined not to lose with her.
Ok. That's my vent for the moment.
(my story http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=21884.1&ctx=128)

you are doing great. and you are right about her wanting to get a reaction out of you. we have been under their "spell" for so long that its quite unnerving for them when we actually do break away. tell yourself that if you do end up calling her that sEXACTLY what she wants and will end up beging mean to you anyway. so don't give it to her. it's petty, its juvenile but what can i say - somewhere a few years back we CHOSE to be with these ppl! well, and these are the consequences!!
im on more than 2 months NC. sometimes i too think he will come crawling back. but i know that will change nothing. it will do nothing to the fact that he cheated on me. broke my trust. and is generally not thekind of person iw ant to spend the rest of my life with. i know i CAN'T take him back without betraying myself in a big way.
sometimes when i think of the goodtimes and the promises he made i really wish things were back to normal. but what i am actually wishing for is the PAST coz after this we cannever be NORMAL again.
whenever i start to feel and dream that all i want is to be with him - i tell myself - dont FEEl, THINK. and then when i THINK i kow that yes - no way i wanna be with him. its really his loss. and his pathetic checking out my web page really shows how much HE needed me to want him, to run after him. and now that its gne , its eating HIM up. i'm not going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cave.
tell yourself you tried to make it work with your weekly calls of getting back together. now no more. and you mean it. keep your word . its to yourself. and when you say NO it means NO. its over. they can only come so far with us, no further. its YOUR decision now. not justhers anyore. now YOU don't want her. its over.
good luck. i know you won't break NC. you sound like a strong person .
Carrie
I'm of the opinion (based on sad experience) that indirect contact such as looking at a webpage is still contact and will keep you from healing. I know it's hard to wean yourself off of that, but if you're going to move on, you'll need to, eventually. I've found limiting the number of times I can look, then spacing them further and further apart (and committing to friends, etc that I'm not going to look) helps.
I've also found that blocking contact by whatever means possible helps, because then you're not looking for that email or whatever.
Sheri