urgent: very broken heart
Find a Conversation
urgent: very broken heart
| Thu, 06-22-2006 - 6:39pm |
Hey Everyone,
I'm pretty much new at this, so please bear with me! Background info: I had been dating this guy *Brad* for about 3 years on and off. Right away we instantly hit it off and throughout the course of our time together we were happy, but we also hit some really tough spots, some of which caused us to break up, but we always ended up back together.
Situation: Well, just recently I was diagnosed with depression after moving away to college, where Brad came with me. It has been a really difficult time for me and I slowly feel myself getting better, but my depression really put a strain on mine and Brad's relationship. I went through a period where I thought I had to find myself, so of course, we split. We still were friends and spent time with each other, we just didn't have the title of gf/bf. I thought at the time that I was doing the right thing by splitting up, because then I could focus and put all of myself into finding out who I really was and not have to worry about if the decisions I was making were going to effect our relationship.
This past weekend Brad and I did not speak for a couple of days, when we finally did speak Brad tells me that he doesn't think that it is going to work out anymore, that he wasn't happy. I immediately lost it, everything I had devoted the last 3 years of my life to was going to be gone. I was in so much shock that I literally begged him not to do it and told him I knew what I was capable of that I had made him happy once and I knew that I could do it again. I tried to explain to him what I had gone through with my depression, but he just didn't seem to fully understand. He was very stubborn and kept saying that he was going to 'stick to his guns'. The conversation eventually ended and he walked away knowing that I was going to be a mess. How could he do this to me when I'm still weak? I can feel myself slip back into depression mode.
Even though it hasn't been long, I feel lost and incomplete. He was the one person I could see myself getting married to and having children with. He made my life better in many ways and I know I did the same for him. I just don't know what to do with myself. I try so hard to stop crying. I will be fine one day and the next I will be a total wreck. Just yesterday I was IMing with a mutual friend of ours, who is also Brad's roommate *Cory*. Cory had said that the first thing Brad asked him when he came home from work was if he had talked to me on the internet and if I was asking about him. Cory and I had discussed the situation but I had asked him not to say anything, so Cory replied to Brad that we had not discussed him.
So now I'm even more confused. Why is Brad asking about me? He must still care even after acting all stubborn and like he didn't care? I've so badly just wanted to leave Brad a voicemail or a text message either telling him how I feel about him or that I'm sorry for acting the way that I did on the phone. I've been proud of myself so far not calling or text messaging him, but I still feel the constant urge and I can't get rid of it!! What do I do!? I don't want anyone else. . .I want Brad!!
I'm pretty much new at this, so please bear with me! Background info: I had been dating this guy *Brad* for about 3 years on and off. Right away we instantly hit it off and throughout the course of our time together we were happy, but we also hit some really tough spots, some of which caused us to break up, but we always ended up back together.
Situation: Well, just recently I was diagnosed with depression after moving away to college, where Brad came with me. It has been a really difficult time for me and I slowly feel myself getting better, but my depression really put a strain on mine and Brad's relationship. I went through a period where I thought I had to find myself, so of course, we split. We still were friends and spent time with each other, we just didn't have the title of gf/bf. I thought at the time that I was doing the right thing by splitting up, because then I could focus and put all of myself into finding out who I really was and not have to worry about if the decisions I was making were going to effect our relationship.
This past weekend Brad and I did not speak for a couple of days, when we finally did speak Brad tells me that he doesn't think that it is going to work out anymore, that he wasn't happy. I immediately lost it, everything I had devoted the last 3 years of my life to was going to be gone. I was in so much shock that I literally begged him not to do it and told him I knew what I was capable of that I had made him happy once and I knew that I could do it again. I tried to explain to him what I had gone through with my depression, but he just didn't seem to fully understand. He was very stubborn and kept saying that he was going to 'stick to his guns'. The conversation eventually ended and he walked away knowing that I was going to be a mess. How could he do this to me when I'm still weak? I can feel myself slip back into depression mode.
Even though it hasn't been long, I feel lost and incomplete. He was the one person I could see myself getting married to and having children with. He made my life better in many ways and I know I did the same for him. I just don't know what to do with myself. I try so hard to stop crying. I will be fine one day and the next I will be a total wreck. Just yesterday I was IMing with a mutual friend of ours, who is also Brad's roommate *Cory*. Cory had said that the first thing Brad asked him when he came home from work was if he had talked to me on the internet and if I was asking about him. Cory and I had discussed the situation but I had asked him not to say anything, so Cory replied to Brad that we had not discussed him.
So now I'm even more confused. Why is Brad asking about me? He must still care even after acting all stubborn and like he didn't care? I've so badly just wanted to leave Brad a voicemail or a text message either telling him how I feel about him or that I'm sorry for acting the way that I did on the phone. I've been proud of myself so far not calling or text messaging him, but I still feel the constant urge and I can't get rid of it!! What do I do!? I don't want anyone else. . .I want Brad!!

amberrachel4...
3 observations from Pianoguy (after he read your post):
1. YOU CAN'T HAVE BRAD! He doesn't see any future with you and he's told you this already. Accept the call and move on!
2. While it's regretable that you 'devoted 3 years of your life' to this man, the choice was yours! You can't retract what has already occurred. You can only LEARN from the experience...and hopefully NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE(S) AGAIN?
3. Depression is taking control of your life. And this is the FIRST and ONLY ISSUE you should be tackling right now? As badly as you want Brad...or anybody else...you're not going to have a lot of success with any relationship UNTIL YOU DISPEL THE "DEMONS" FROM INSIDE YOUR HEAD!
How you choose to handle observation #3 is entirely up to you! Get help if you need it, but don't put ANYBODY in a position that you (by rights) should be taking control of on your own!
Pianoguy
I'm not unsympathetic to your hurt and heartbreak, but I do think it's unfair to expect Brad to be in a relationship with you while you are dealing with depression. You already said you guys broke up so you could deal with it. You then chose to remain friends. He is now saying he can't even handle a friendship. Yes, he may have improved your life, but he evidently does not feel like you improved his life.
It will be hard, but do not contact him and try to focus on yourself and dealing with depression. You have to be happy with yourself before you can bring happiness to another person's life.
Also, the fact that he has asked his roommate if you asked about him might mean he cares, but it could also be out of sheer morbid curiousity or it could be for an ego boost so he can hear how much you miss him. I understand that *cory* is a mutual friend but was he your friend first or Brad's? If Brad introduced you to him, it would be appropriate to minimize contact with Cory for the near future. You don't want to put Cory in an awkward position of having to lie to Brad about you or to constantly report to you about what Brad has been up to.