Very sad

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2007
Very sad
6
Wed, 12-12-2007 - 4:58pm

I broke up with my boyfriend on Sunday. This came after three emotionally-taxing months of breaking up and getting back together. There was lots of anxiety and hard times, while we tired to reconcile.
It just dawned on me this past weekend that this wasn't going to work and I didn't want it to anymore. I was tired. And just not invested anymore.
Telling him was the hardest thing I had to do, because I care about him and have so much affection for him. But the love had really just been squeezed out of me with all the problems we have been having the last five months.
I watched him walk away and it hurt me tremendously.
And then I felt relief.
And now three days later I am surprised by the amount of pain I have.
I miss him, but the old him. I miss us, but the old us. I miss that I felt like we were a team. I miss that there was a time when things were good.
But it has been so long since we'd been happy. a very long time.
We were together 15 months. And for 6 of those 15 I was unhappy and felt emotionally unfulfilled by him. He too was struggling. It was just a struggle for us to connect and to understand one another.
Which is so surprising, because there was a lot of good feelings between us.We didn't fight a lot, but that's because he didn't like to address things. He was really good at denial, which began to take a toll on me and drive me crazy.

I guess I was hoping that because I broke it off that I would be able to skip over the sad feelings. I would skip over the heart break. I would skip over the long nights, crying , empty feeling inside, guilt, rumination and constant thoughts of WHAT HAPPEN TO US????
But that's how I feel.
How can you feel this way, even when you no longer want the relationship?

Just looking for support and hugs. I'm feeling so sad today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
In reply to: paprgrrl
Wed, 12-12-2007 - 7:07pm

paprgrrl


I can relate to what you are feeling, as I am feeling it to after a 3 year relationship. I dont even want to be in it anymore, I know this is for the best- but something is just missing. I know the holidays will be tough yet I dont want to be with him. I actually feel guilty on those days I have where I "dont care" about him or anything to do with him. Then other times I am sad that he hurt me this much and ruined what we had


I do know he is suffering more than I am (because he STILL calls me everyday), and I know in my heart it will always be his doing that we ended up here and I think that helps me move on. I can't make his decisions for him, he chose the path we're on and I'm just too tired to fight for it anymore. Its not the kind of relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2007
In reply to: paprgrrl
Wed, 12-12-2007 - 9:42pm

Wow,


I was seriously on the verge of tears while reading your posting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: paprgrrl
Wed, 12-12-2007 - 11:27pm

Welcome to board paprgrrl,


Even if you don't want the relationship, there is

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2007
In reply to: paprgrrl
Thu, 12-13-2007 - 2:42am

Thanks everyone for your support and understanding.
So many of my friends tell me that "i did a good thing" for both of us and that i will know this in the future, but right now, i just feel so torn.
but i'm trying hard not to think about the WHY so much. why did this happen? why couldn't we salvage the relationship, why couldn't i just let go and be happy? why couldn't we slip back into what we once were?
WHY?
I find that I blame myself for his pain and I worry about him more then i worry about myself.

I was the one who finally said the words NO MORE.
And I have to live with that. He wasn't mean to me or a bad guy. It just wasn't working. And that feels harder.
Just have to get through each day telling myself that i followed my heart. and my heart was telling me to let this go. but my heart also misses the way we used to be. and the hope that was once there. the hope of a relationship that wouldn't end.

thanks all. just having a pensive night.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2007
In reply to: paprgrrl
Thu, 12-13-2007 - 2:43am
Good luck to you too girlsrool.
We can get through this and onto the other side.
Big hugs to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2004
In reply to: paprgrrl
Thu, 12-13-2007 - 1:10pm

Hi! I just wanted to say what you are feeling is totally normal!


Even when we don't want the relationship we were in ...we still must grieve...grieve for what we thought it could have been, what it once was, etc. Before we move on in our journey in life to something new we must grieve what we left behind...what we spent so much time and effort on and what was once comfortable to us.


I am reading a great book that puts things in perspective. It is called... How did i get Here? by Barbara DeAngelis. Check it out if you can it's really inspiring!