Vicious Cycle
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Vicious Cycle
| Mon, 07-19-2004 - 6:57am |
Hi I found this site when I plugged "Break Up" into google. I'm looking for some sort of support to help me through this vicious cycle I seem to be in. I've been through 3 relationships that were shorter term (2 months or less). I just broke up with my last lover who I dated for a little over 2 months. I knew that there were problems but I thought that we would work them out. I can't only think that perhaps my former lover never wanted to work things out; that she was jut looking for excuses to breakup with me. Well, I think in the end it was pretty mutual. She hung up on me for the last time during a conversation and I thought I'd be strong and not call her until she called me. She did call and say that she'd be over at a certain time and I said I probably wouldnt be there at that time but I could pick a time to meet her or she could coem over early in the morning (so we could take a train for our planned weekend trip). That wasn't good enough for her and she said that she could never say anything right and whatever. I said that I was only going to ask one more time if she was coming over and she started screaming different times and saying it didn't matter. Well, I asked her if I could come get my things or if she would bring them to me (she has a car and lives 45 minutes away and I don't have a car). She said she would not bring my things. To make a long story short, I rented a car and was driving over there--she called me, threatened to beat the crap out of me if I showed up, said she hope my grandmother (who is in the hospital) dies and called me a f---ing n---er and hung up again. I got to her house and she was gone. I returned the next morning with the police, after she practically begged me not to be escorted. What else was I supposed to do? I wasn't sure she'd be there, if she'd be alone, if she would hit me or whatever. Having said all this and knowing that what she was doing was displaying out of control, abusive behavior, why do I sit her with the phone in my hand wanting to call her? She was so beautiful, could be so loving, we enjoyed doing silly things together, and she allowed me to open up to her in so many different ways. Why do things end so badly?
I am at the point right now where I feel as though I will always be alone. I somehow feel this was my last chance and I somehow screwed it up even though she hung up on me numerous times, she cursed me out, she threatened me. Why would she treat me this way if I didn't deserve it or do something? I did ask her why she was behaving in this way and she said, because she wanted me to break up with her. I said why and she was like I dont like you and you will never let me leave you (side note: she told me that she had a horrible time leaving her ex husband because he told her that she could not leave, that she would always be with him, and her departure from there involved violence; she also claims that after she left, he followed her everywhere and showed up at her home, work, etc. on a regular basis). Now, she says that I'm stalking her and following her; I have only driven to her house twice: the first time when we agreed (or so I thought) that I would get my things and the second time escorted by the police--both time afer she said I was stalking her. Why would she say these things? Does she really believe them?
I guess the real problem is that it is Monday morning and I'm looking to find the strength to go to work and not cry all day long. I'm looking to find the strength to eat normally and not drink excessively. It's been two days. What am I supposed to do? How can I make this easier on myself? I so badly want to call her. Any advice or words are appreciated. Sorry for the rambling.
I am at the point right now where I feel as though I will always be alone. I somehow feel this was my last chance and I somehow screwed it up even though she hung up on me numerous times, she cursed me out, she threatened me. Why would she treat me this way if I didn't deserve it or do something? I did ask her why she was behaving in this way and she said, because she wanted me to break up with her. I said why and she was like I dont like you and you will never let me leave you (side note: she told me that she had a horrible time leaving her ex husband because he told her that she could not leave, that she would always be with him, and her departure from there involved violence; she also claims that after she left, he followed her everywhere and showed up at her home, work, etc. on a regular basis). Now, she says that I'm stalking her and following her; I have only driven to her house twice: the first time when we agreed (or so I thought) that I would get my things and the second time escorted by the police--both time afer she said I was stalking her. Why would she say these things? Does she really believe them?
I guess the real problem is that it is Monday morning and I'm looking to find the strength to go to work and not cry all day long. I'm looking to find the strength to eat normally and not drink excessively. It's been two days. What am I supposed to do? How can I make this easier on myself? I so badly want to call her. Any advice or words are appreciated. Sorry for the rambling.

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I'm not sure if it is just a phase. I think that's my problem "this time around"--that I think this is somewhat different than what I've experienced before. That really maybe there just isn't anyone out there that I can be in a relationship with.
I don't know. I just want to talk with her.
Every love is different and the hurt I am experiencing now I havent experienced before either but I think this is because I am changed over the years and therefor my relationships change and how they end changes also (and how you deal with it). Confusing? ;)
I know...
Good luck
Samie
And, I agree that it is all very confusing.
sometimes i think that we are more in love with love then the person we think we are crazy about..I dont know..im 23 and even though sometimes i feel like im 70 and my heart weighs a ton i probably still have a lot to learn
in any case..you know how you said that you think about how you will never see her again? that's what i think about too..how i will never kiss him, go through his hair, spend the night..people say that memories are what life is made of and in the end they are really the only thing you have left...right now i think that those memories are what is going to kill me. if only we could wake up tomorrow and not remember anything huh..how healing would that be if we could just start anew.
ok, let me just tell u a little bit about my situation so u know where i am coming from..i study in US but am originally from Europe and so is this guy..the problem is, we are having a long distance relationship, or better to say had until yesterday. it was perfect until now, we traveled together, met in different cities, had so much fun. and then he told me that he can't do this anymore.
listen, i really thought he was my soulmate and i thought i would have stayed with him for a long long time. life is weird like that my friend..people fall in and out of love all the time and being a strong believer in destiny i think that it just wasnt meant to be.
now, i dont know how old you are and how bad you are craving love but please try to remember that there should always be hope..and there is no hope in desperation. No hope in beer and pills...
This is the plan so listen carefully..instead of going to a bar, go for a walk..instead of taking pills wake up earlier in the morning and go running..run as fast and as long as you can so it makes you really really tired and you'll be able to sleep better at night. And you know how ppl here say you shouldn't contact the person again? You can be the only judge of that..but do listen to your reason as well as your heart. Try to make a closure in the relationship by seriously distinguishing between real love and your need for love. If she was a great person then yes, it will be difficult to get over her since in my opinion there is not an obundance of those (that are also single) around. But is, in all honesty, she was not that perfect try HARD to focus on yourself now. This is you time..time for you to get back on track, time for you to get in shape, time to work on yourself so you can attract other people and hopefully find somebody that is capable of loving as passonately and sincerely as you are.
ok? it's going to be ok, i promise..time is your worst enemy now but it is your friend as well..just take deep breaths and go through life one moment at a time
Thanks for your kind words. I know that I should "focus on myself" and do things that are good for me. My goal is to pick one or two things that are good for me. For instance, I just bought a house and I'm going to concentrate on cleaning it up (it's gotten very messy in the last 4-5 days) and keeping it clean, doing housework (ironing to save money, working on my potted herbs). The other thing: I Cannot lose my job; I do not know what I would do (well, find a new one I'm sure). So, today I will finish the project that's been sitting there, turn it in and ask for more.
Maybe I am desperate. Maybe I am depressed. Etc. Maybe these feelings will pass, or maybe I'll have to learn to live with them.
She probably wasn't right for me. I don't think there was love there..yet, but there are plenty of memories, lots of dreams, and many plans. It hurts like hell that those are not there anymore--I cling to them and I know that I shouldn't.
I know the pain that you feel, too. I was once--at a very young age (15) in a long distance relationship that was 1.5 year long and she broke it off from far away. Sometimes, it is better that they are so far away. The finality is somehow more raw that way. 14 years later, I cannot believe that I'm going through the same thing (break up part of it). Maybe some how we'll both make it through this stronger, smarter, and wiser.
I have good friends and I'm leaning on them (and this group) as much as I can without making them fall over. I hope you have some good friends too.
More later, I'm sure.
Phillygrrl
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