Want to leave for me but Stay for my child..
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|Fri, 01-18-2013 - 3:01pm|
I am married (this yr makes 3 years) with a 3 year old child. I married my husband after dating for about 2 1/2 years. It was a rebound relationship following a recent divorce. At the time we got married I was 9 months pregnant. I had reservations about the relationship that I ignored due to my desire to be married and start a family (I was at the time 35). My husband was a safe option (he had an old highschool crush on me, was a family friend, a good father to his eldest child, hard working, family man). But despite all his redeeming qualities, I wasn't in-love him then, and I'm still not. Now that we have a child together, home and life together, I cringe at the thought of destroying it all because "I'm not happy". I don't want to hurt my child who is helplessly in love with her father. I'm afraid of what divorcing would do to our family dynamic. I feel selfish and alone. Part of me believes that "I made this bed, so I must sleep in it" but the other part is dying inside and screaming to get out. There is no abuse, although we are in counseling to work out our communication issues and seem to be working through them. But counseling won't help me fall in love! The bottom line is I really don't believe I've married my best friend. We rarely do things together and laugh very seldom. Personality wise we are very different (he is introverted and quiet and I am extroverted and LOVE to laugh!) Making love is a chore to me so I try to avoid it. We don't even share the same passions, desires, or goals in life outside of raising our daughter. Realizing that I'm now 2 marriages in and still unhappy, there is no doubt that part of blame is solely mine. I try to make myself happy but cannot seem to do so w/in the confines of my current marriage. I'm not sure what to do. Am I being selfish? Should I look to leave the marriage now or try to deal with it (atleast until my daughter is older.)