Want to Move Out, Need Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2004
Want to Move Out, Need Advice
1
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 10:00am
I have an issue - I am engaged and live with my finance' but I have come to the conclusion that I do not want to marry him. I care about him a lot, and he is generally a kind person. The problem(s) are that I don't want to leave him in a bad situation. My name is not on the lease, so I can leave whenever, but it doesn't expire for a 5 months. I don't want him to suffer financially. However, I have also financed some of his stereo equipment, and he is paying me for that monthly. That payment will be complete in about 3 months. I am afraid that if I leave before, he will refuse to pay me, leaving me in the bad financial situation. There is also the issue of our pets, which I take care of. I love them but he has said if we break up that they are his. I worry that he won't take care of them (because he doesn't now) and it would to be hard for me to find a new roomate who will allow 2 pets. He is pressuring me to make wedding plans, so I cannot put off this decision much longer. It is hard, though, because as soon as I tell him, it will be necessary for me to move out right away, so I must be prepared. Ugh, this really sucks..how can I do this smoothly???
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Thu, 09-16-2004 - 1:39pm
I doubt there is an easy or smooth way to do this... but you will not do him or yourself any favors by staying... my husband walked out 5 months ago... we had a talk where I expressed to him that I did not want him to stay out of guilt or a sense of gratitude for how I helped him over the years... those are both real emotions but they are NOT a basis for marital love, and I and he both deserve more than being in half a realtionship. So do you and your fiance... staying if you are not committed will cheat you both out of more.

Good luck... it won't be easy for either of you... you may just have to take the financial loss and move forward... and the pet thing I understand too... my stb-x took our German Shepherd and the cat, and although he is great with them I really miss them... I have since rescued another dog and a cat tho... filling my home back up with love!