Want to start dating again...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2007
Want to start dating again...
5
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 5:52pm

I have found that I really want to start dating again but I have a couple of hangups that I want to work through first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2007
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 6:04pm

ok. based on what I've been reading from you, my question here is,"why on earth do you want to start dating?"
It's only been 2.5 months, right?
Yesterday you posted that you were still depressed,right?
I'm not trying to be harsh here, but WHY do you want to start dating and why would dating be the thing to help push you along? Why another person?

What's wrong with working through your grief and just waiting. Date yourself and process everything that's happened. The fact that you are still posting on how much you are hurting just is a huge red flag—to me—that you may not be ready.

I did this. i got involved before healed and it was a BAD MOVE. really bad move. I was grieving while in a new relationship. How horrible for the person with me and how unfair of me to subject an innocent person to my unfinished business. I should've dealt with my baggage like a grown up and then started dating when my heart was open and ready to believe in love purely.

That's the thing here. If you are still in the process how can your heart be open? that sucks for the other person.

That's just my opinion.

good luck to you!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2007
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 6:15pm

You are right, somedays I feel like I am over it and other days not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2007
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 6:51pm

Oh good :)
I'm glad you took that well. I was worried. but you know what,I worry about the same thing.
I'm tired of getting my heart broken. i'm ready to fall in love and stay in love, but it will happen when it is supposed to. I think everyone is scared, especially after a breakup. It hasn't even been two months for me and i can't even imagine how i am going to meet someone else.
But it is not in my hands.

Good luck :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 01-24-2008 - 11:40pm

I think everyone goes through at least a little bit of fear of being alone, especially right after a break up. Want to know the secret to beating that one? Don't act on the fear or the feeling. It realy is that simple. When you see that being by yourself is not the same as being lonely, and when you understand you can be in a relationship and still feel completely alone, so one has nothing to do with the other, then you'll see it's best to just wait the uncomfortable feelings out.

Not to say you should put off dating indefinitely, but, just not now. Wait a few months, and for pete's sake, wanting to date and be in a relationship should be because you really enjoy someone's company and because you enjoy them and the value they add to your life, not because you're afraid of being lonel-- That's selling both people short.

In the meantime, nothing says you can't be nice to people, even doing a little bit of playful conversation with random people here and there is helpful and can keep you from falling into too much of a funk, but just hold off on the actual dating for a while.

As far as your original question about where to meet people who don't just randomly jump into bed, well, you can find those everywhere, have you given thought to maybe you've just been hanging out with all the wrong people so far?

Good luck,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Fri, 01-25-2008 - 12:30am

I agree with Sandra. It's been almost a month now since my break up, and I really do want to date, but right now it's more out of fear of being alone and wanting another relationship, which is definitely for the wrong reason when I still wake up crying every morning over how much I miss my ex.

My suggestion? Go on Lavalife and flirt. That's what I do. Sometimes I find someone nice and I'll add them to my MSN and just start chatting. Also, go out with friends to parties where there are possibilities of meeting new people. I am doing that too. At this point, we are only ready for flirting and talking. So go with the flow. Like I said, i'd love to start dating again, but it would sooooo be for the wrong reasons.