wanting him back

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
wanting him back
18
Mon, 01-14-2013 - 12:29pm

Hi,

my bf broke up with me 3 weeks ago. He's asking for his stuff back, including gifts to me. I really didn't want this break up. i'm hurt and heartbroken,we were together over a year and a half. We broke up in the past, and got back together, but he never asked for his stuff before.  I'm suppose to give it back today, but i'm holding back to a ring he gave me in hopes that we can have contact with me again, i feel if i don't there will be no more reason for him to contact me, it will feel like this is really over, but at the same time i don't want him to be annoyed at m.. I'm confused. Should i give him everything he asked back or should i hold on to this ring? I want him back and i really don't know where to turn. Please help. thanks.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Tue, 01-15-2013 - 11:33pm

He also said that he had the gifts from me to him to return back to me. I DON'T WANT THEM. If he contacts me, i will tell him that those are gifts, they are not meant to be returned, that if he doesn't want them, it's up to him to do whatever he wants with it. I have to stay focused and strong when i speak to him and try not to break down. Once i say what i have to say, i will hang up.., i want to keep it short and to the point, no more bikering and shouting.

Could you simply send him a letter/email with those words and tell him not to contact you again, then block his number?  Instead of waiting for him to contact you and worry about how to handle the call, you take control of the message and the timing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2012
Tue, 01-15-2013 - 7:46pm

Luizinha,

Just reading this thread today. Sounds like you have a good hold on how to handle this break up. Stay strong! I can't believe he is so small an individual to ask for gifts he gave you back. imo it is up to you what you do with gifts anyone has given you.

You do deserve respect don't let him make you less than you are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
Tue, 01-15-2013 - 4:21pm
It's so hard to acept. I didn't want this...i still don't. He also said that he had the gifts from me to him to return back to me. I DON'T WANT THEM. If he contacts me, i will tell him that those are gifts, they are not meant to be returned, that if he doesn't want them, it's up to him to do whatever he wants with it. I have to stay focused and strong when i speak to him and try not to break down. Once i say what i have to say, i will hang up.., i want to keep it short and to the point, no more bikering and shouting. He needs to respect me, he needs to realize that i'm not so weak and needy as he thinks. I need to get my dignity and respect back at this point.
Avatar for ukgirl82
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2005
Tue, 01-15-2013 - 4:02pm

I think you did the right thing. While I do think that he clearly does not understand the meaning of a gift and that it's unfair to ever ask for a gift back, if giving it all back will help you move on then you made the right decision. I know it hurts but now that you've accepted it's over, thing will start to get better. For what it's worth, I think you're better off without the type of guy who would demand his gifts back for any reason. Stay strong.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Tue, 01-15-2013 - 12:14pm

luizinha wrote:
<p>I decided to give it back. I don't want him calling me bothering me about it. I don't want any more arguying. I don't want him to think that i am playing games. I knew if i kept it he would think i did in hopes of him coming back. I want him to think that i have accepted the break up, I respect his decision and  that i have realized that it's over, that it's done. Deep in my heart i don't want this, but i can't control other people. I want him to realize that he has lost me. I'm sad but i think we need this time apart. I miss him, i miss us. I"m hoping that he misses me too.  </p>

I applaud you for taking this course of action. 

He may come to the conclusion one day that he's messed up big time, and hopefully by that time, you will be beyond wanting someone who treated you with such pettiness. A gift is just that: a gift. It's not meant to be given with the expectations of it being returned when things don't work out the way the giver envisioned.  Think about how small and petty someone has to be to do that and ask yourself can you really be happy with someone who does such a thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2002
Tue, 01-15-2013 - 8:50am

I decided to give it back. I don't want him calling me bothering me about it. I don't want any more arguying. I don't want him to think that i am playing games. I knew if i kept it he would think i did in hopes of him coming back. I want him to think that i have accepted the break up, I respect his decision and  that i have realized that it's over, that it's done. Deep in my heart i don't want this, but i can't control other people. I want him to realize that he has lost me. I'm sad but i think we need this time apart. I miss him, i miss us. I"m hoping that he misses me too.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Mon, 01-14-2013 - 7:59pm

A gift is something given to you to keep. Unless this was an egagement ring I'd keep it. But as music said, don't keep it in the hopes he'll come back, but keep it as just another gift. And I think it's pretty crappy to ask you for the things he gave you as gifts back. Does the term Indian Giver ring a bell?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 01-14-2013 - 7:25pm
If someone gave you a gift, it's yours so he really has no right to get it back. However, don't hold on to the ring in hopes that you can use it to get him back--just keep it if you want it.

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