Wanting to make it through the day

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2008
Wanting to make it through the day
7
Wed, 03-05-2008 - 10:14am

Hi all. I had a really difficult night last night. I ended up feeling okay about things. My biggest hurdle right now is remembering that my ex really is a good guy- just not a good guy for me. We broke up because I want to get married, have children and to be treated like a special person to him and he does not want to get married, ever have children and puts his family before me. Well, it used to be like that. I don't have to worry about being second to his family anymore. :-)

So, can someone tell me that I'm going to be okay today? I am so tired and my chest hurts from the hours of crying.

And we broke up for those reasons I mentioned, right? Those are some of the biggest reasons to break up, right? Its not me-- I wasn't horrible or selfish or anything, right?

Sorry to ask but this break-up is making me question things like that.

Hope all are doing at least better today!
Swallens

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2008
Wed, 03-05-2008 - 10:24am

Yes, Swallens, you definitely did the right thing. You would not have been happy in the long run if you spend your life begging for someone else to give you permission to do the things you really want to do, like get married or have children. Those are definitely deal-breakers; and not selfish, because he would have been miserable too, having to defend his reasons for not wanting to get married or have children to you all the time also.

Of course, none of that makes it much easier, but...you really will be happier over the long term, even though it sucks (big time) now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Wed, 03-05-2008 - 11:04am

Awww, (((HUGS))), sweetie, and yes, those are all very good reasons to break up with someone, and no, it wasn't horrible or selfish of you to do so.


Break-ups are never easy, whether you're the one to initiate it or not. You just have to tell yourself it was for the best, you did the right thing, and you will heal in time.


As cliche' as it sounds, just take things one day at a time and refocus your efforts on YOU. Pamper yourself with a long soak in a hot tub, give yourself a manicure and a pedicure, or go to a salon, find yourself a good book to curl up with and lose yourself in, or go out with your friends and smile and laugh and try to have a good time. Before long, you won't have to MAKE yourself have fun - you just WILL.


(((HUGS))) and be good to yourself, hon,

_________________________________________________


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2008
Wed, 03-05-2008 - 11:48am

Thank you Stephanie and uncommononsense-

I am doing somewhat better right now. I still am physically hurting so I might take some advil soon.

I do know that the trinity I mentioned are huge things, especially at the point we were at-- 3 years. A girl is going to think about her future after that long, you know? And we had always had issues about the trinity. Always. I thought he was going to change, he thought I would change and neither of us moved. He was actually the one to break it off but I had a feeling it would be coming soon. My imagination took such a bruising- even though he told me he never wanted those things, I had dreams of our wedding and children! And the hardest part is that he was such a great guy. I guess I have to realize he just wasn't the greatest guy for me. Sigh.

Thank you for being here.
Swallens

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 03-05-2008 - 12:35pm

Hi swallens,


You aren't selfish.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2005
Wed, 03-05-2008 - 7:44pm

I was there, a few months ago. Similar situation. He did not want those things; I did. Yep -- good guy, one of the best I've known, just not a good guy for me. I do understand what you're going through! My days of crying so hard my chest hurts are few and far between now. Slowly but surely, it gets better. You will be ok.

>>I don't have to worry about being second to his family anymore. :-)

I concentrate on the things I don't have to "worry" about anymore, and it really helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Tue, 03-11-2008 - 12:27am
Wow! Your situation sounds very similar to mine ( post: Should I leave him?) I'm still having trouble not calling him, but I know he won't ever give me what I want.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2008
Tue, 03-11-2008 - 1:06am