wants to meet for lunch, what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
wants to meet for lunch, what to do?
9
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 9:19am

my ex- texted me late last night asking to go to lunch today.

do i respond? i am curious about what he is going to say, bc i know he is seeing the other girl. but i am concerned that meeting him will not make me feel better, but worse, or at least make my wound hurt and breaking my no contact of 8 days. i've relapsed several times since we broke up last month.

also, could it be a case of having his cake and eating it too? i am not ready to be friends with someone who betrayed my trust and lied to me. but i do want to know if he has something to say instead of just trying to talk to me about banalities and trivial lil things that don't mean anything- because i sense it makes him feel better about the situation, overriding his guilt.

any advice would be greatly appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 10:26am
I think you kind of answered yourself, ccheckers- "i am not ready to be friends with someone who betrayed my trust and lied to me". Maybe text him back and tell him just that. If it is something that you HAVE to talk about, he can call you or text you back. Once my ex and I no longer live together, I don't really think that there will be anything left to talk about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 11:18am
CCheckers, please do not go and put yourself in that situation, especially if you are not emotionally ready for it. If you know that he is already seeing someone else, why bother seeing him. It will just spark emotions and get you upset. You need time away from him to heal. Seeing him is going to make all of the memories flood back and questions that you have about the relationship. Best of luck! I know how hard it is not to have contact, but it will be better for you in the end.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 11:53am

I would text back, "No thanks,"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 1:11pm

thanks everyone for the advice!

i'm not going to even respond to him. period. it's not going to go anywhere if he is still acting immature and confused with me and has another love interest.

continuing No Contact!!!

P.S. he wrote me an email asking for a raincheck bc he has to train someone new in his dept. i'm not responding to that one either and deleting it! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 2:35pm
Maintain your no contact and continue to move on. You are doing really really well. Let him feel guilty.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 2:57pm

hi lindseyloo! thank you for the encouragement! it's motivating to know that i can be an example for others recovering too!

how have you been? how was your weekend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 3:22pm
Don't go--continue your healing and he will never tell you what you want to hear. Don't let him screw with your head to ease his own guilt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 8:25pm
Hey Im doing great. One of my best friends had a bachelorette party this weekend. I got hit on left and right... its a nice confidence booster :) I've been doing so well lately. I still have my moments, but those are slowly going away. I think Ive pretty much moved on, but I still like to read the boards. How about you? Sounds like you are doing really well. Continue to force that no contact. No need to backslide :). If you feel tempted, you can always email me. And I will talk you out of it... haha.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 2:47pm

i just wanted to let everyone know that he did contact me again via email at work today- asking to give me ride to the airport and a place to park my car for my trip to FL this weekend.

i refused and let him know that "i made other arrangements, thanks."

his response was "very well. have a good trip, take care."

i can't really read into a one line response, but i hope he is angry, annoyed and guilty for being shut down because he is trying to be nice out of guilt and pity.... i'm going to continue to reject his niceities because that's what they are. even if i do want to know if he misses me, i know it's not for any healthy happy reason that would be good for me!

he's moved on and so am i!!!!