Wants to take a break?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2007
Wants to take a break?
2
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 10:48am
I stayed in a relationship with someone too long. We had an on again off again relationship for a year. I was just hoping that it would get better, one of us would change. He would break it off with me and I would be miserable, but he was the one who always called me or emailed love letters and roses so we ended back together. I did not want to end it and admit that I was going to be alone again. I needed to have that closness and warmth of another body and conversations that only a man a woman could have. I love this man. We both talked of marriage which really gets you in a mind set. How do I blend two households? Both of us are divorced with 2 children each. Well he called yesterday and I new it was coming again, he wants to take a break from each other. Ya, a break the one when you date other people. Well this is where I am done I can't do it again. (I've said these words before) I don't feel as awful this time,why?. He will probably call again in a few weeks or a month he even said he would. I have seen a therapist about this guy before and she convinced me once that he was poison to me. I have not done any of the things I enjoyed doing before I met him. He sapped me of everything, I worried continually about how to make this work. Our problems were not out of the ordinary, we all have issues to deal with and as they came up I thought we were working on them. I desparately want my life back. I'm afraid that when he does call I will melt again. I used to think people who acted like me were nuts! Why would they want to stay in a crappy relationship, but now I know and I can't describe it to anyone else these feelings that I have. I felt we had the potential to have a good future together but obviously he does not.
I don't want to melt again, help me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 12:34pm

Hi imgood,


Welcome to the board. I hope you find a lot of good advice here.


I'm kind of confused by your post, you say you love a guy BUT "I stayed in a relationship with someone too long. We had an on again off again relationship for a year. I was just hoping that it would get better, one of us would change. He would break it off with me and I would be miserable"


Sounds like you still have an on-again, off-again relationship.


I have seen a therapist about this guy before and she convinced me once that he was poison to me.


I hope you decide to go back to this therapist to help you stay strong.


I have not done any of the things I enjoyed doing before I met him. He sapped me of everything, I worried continually about how to make this work.


This is harder to talk about - you have to want to do the things you used to enjoy with or without him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Tue, 02-06-2007 - 6:33pm

You mentioned that you melt whenever he decides to come back into your life. I know how that goes. God knows my enormous heart has kept from doing the right thing which is leaving the negative relationships behind and focus on the positive waiting right around the corner.

If you know his pattern is to call you in a couple of weeks or so I would get caller ID (if you don't have it already), screen the calls, and don't pick up when you see it's him. Don't return any messages either. I know it's hard to do because guys can be so convincing sometimes, but eventually he will stop calling and you will forget about him.

He's taking advantage of your big heart. Save that love for someone who will return it on a regular basis, not when it suits him to do so.

Stay strong and good luck!

Christine