Warning... Net dating can go too well
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Warning... Net dating can go too well
| Mon, 08-09-2004 - 12:26pm |
I never dreamed that it would have happened this way... now I need help! I broke off a dating scenario but he wants to "wait forever for me". He sends cards, even writes emails to my mother for Heaven's sake! Constantly proclaiming his unconditional and never ending devotion to me. I'm ENGAGED TO SOMEONE ELSE! If I were to tell him that, I feel like I would be delivering the final blow.
How can I tell the world's most sensitive and an incredibly sweet sweet man that he cannot wait for me and that I cannot see him in that capacity again, without KILLING him by the reality that another man will share my life, always.

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You like the attention...you like being the "queen bee".
You're keeping him on the hook in the event that the guy that you're engaged to - that you're not being honest with or emotionally faithful to - stops meeting your needs, or doesn't start meeting them.
What is "kind" about not telling this guy the truth? That you're engaged, that he needs to move on and find someone else. There's nothing kind or in his best interests about what you're doing. It's in your best interests and gives you an ego boost.
And face facts.......he's not all that "thrilled and in love with and devoted to YOU" (as an individual). He's in love with who he think syou are, because he's put you on a pedestal because he wants someone to serve and be with so that he has an identity.
I fyou got with this guy - you'd find out he's either a huge control freak or a total dishrag....extremism doesn't just run in one venue.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
Sheri
I don't need to be a "queen bee"... i admit, I have never been 'dumped' before, likely I never will, but that doesn't mean I need to send this gent off thinking he'll never find anyone else regardless of the place he puts me in his heart and mind.
Last thing I require is attention - I get plenty and I don't have the required self-loathing to extract more and more at the expense of other's psychi.
You can't force him to emotionally move on...but giving him the facts as they are shows him your commitment to your reality (your engagement/marriage/partner), your honesty, and your respect for him as an individual. It speaks volumes about your character.
Just as what you're doing now does, as well.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
SO ultimately, you may be the one not "getting the point"... I am not leading him anywhere, he simply doesn't want to let go
I'm just not sure how you know that he's holding a torch for you - if you're having 'no contact" with this guy whatsoever. If he's sending things - send 'em back. IF he's emailing - block him. Call ID - block him.
And the biggie...have you met in public with him and said "I am engaged, your behavior is inappropriate and if you don't stop it the next order of business is law enforcement intervention."
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
He will understand much better WHY you are not available if you tell him the truth than if you give him platitudes about opposite direction, etc.
Sheri
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