Was he a snake or was I a prude--help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Was he a snake or was I a prude--help!
5
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 11:39am
I'll try to make this short. I'm married, my husband has a certain friend that I have always gotten along with pretty well. Last spring he moved out of state, his job requires him to move alot.He's twice divorced and has 1 adult child from the first marriage and 1 young child from the second marriage. Both relationships were very painful for him and neither lasted long.He told me he's had enough of that,no more marriage or live-in type relationships.When he moved he gave us his email address and new phone number, he said he would get in touch when he got settled.One night I noticed that he had sent an email, nothing heavy, so I replied.A month later same thing.We started a dialoge, began to chat, share jokes, stories etc.,nothing romantic.One day I recieved a text message, just chit chat type stuff.Things went on like this for most of the summer.Then he started dropping hints about sex, romance etc.I have to say I was somewhat flattered but I have never cheated on my husband. We just laughed it off and continued to talk.I really began to look forward to talking with him, we began to share everything that was happening in our lives,we had private jokes, finished each others sentances(you know what I mean).He told me he would be coming home in the spring to visit family and take care of some business.He want us to meet somewhere.I think sex will ruin this relationship and I'm not sure I'm ready to have an affair.Last weekend I had a little to much to drink with a girlfriend and called him to share some good jokes.He asked If I was ready to see him when he came to town.I was leaning toward yes but, I still had reservations---when I told I didn't just want to "be the piece he knocked off when he came to town" It pissed him off.The next day I sent an apology text for calling when I had to much to drink---no response----voicemail, no responce.We haven't talked since Saturday. I feel like I've lost my best friend. I know not to try to contact him....it's killing me but, I'm trying to be strong. Why is this bothering me so much . I feel like all the closeness was just a ploy to get me into bed.He broke my heart.I need advice, It's not something I can discuss with alot of people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 12:09pm

Let me lay it to you straight:

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 12:25pm

Hi -
No, you are not a prude. I can see how your relationship started, and you started to be a good friend and possibly feel something for him. But presuming you are in a good marriage, it wouldn't be wise to act on your feelings. Like Sandra said, look in your marriage first. Is there something lacking that made you feel the feelings you are feeling towards this other person.

I recently read something about work spouse type relationship. They said, it is ok to have a friend, someone to share jokes with but do not take it any further than that. Keep it platonic. On the other hand, if there is something that is already broken in your marriage, be honest with your husband, work on the marriage first or get separated or whatever. And then resume anything more, if you choose to do so, with your friend.

I am not going to be harsh and say..what the heck are you doing. There are cases when people just aren't in the right marriage and then they meet this incredible person (hey look at Brad Pitt and Jolie :))

But looking at your post where this guy has been twice divorced, I dont know..that seems like a red flag to me. Not sure you want to put your marriage in jeopardy by doing something you will regret with this person.

Oh another thing, you say he hasn't called you back. Either he was insulted or he figured he is not going to get what he wants (sex). So, if you just want to maintain a friendship, email a last time,say you just look at him as a friend and appreciate that friendship but not willing to do anything further while being married. If he stops replying, you have your answer. The fact that he wanted to meet with you somewhere (without inviting your husband) does seem to me he had more in mind than just friendship.

Good luck.




Edited 2/15/2007 12:31 pm ET by gal_summer2006
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 02-15-2007 - 1:38pm

Hi pisces, you are not a prude and he is not a snake.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2007
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 4:38am
You say this man is like your best friend? Well, he's not your friend or your husband's for that matter!! What kind of "friend" tries to sleep with his friend's wife? What kind of "friend" doesn't care he might ruin your marriage? This guy has not even mentioned anything other then sex therefore you will be just a piece. I'm sure if you give it in to him or tell him absolutely not he'll be gone. This man is definitely a snake! An emotional affair is still cheating and just as devastating to a relationship as if it was physical. Please do not betray your husband anymore than you already have!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 8:39am
you are a prude and that's a GOOD THING!! you should be prudish when a man who's not your husband makes sexual innuendos. you should put the kibosh on this relationship. it may have felt good, but it cannot end good. redirect your energies to establishing this bond with your husband! why not just send HIM a funny text message, out of the blue? hopefully, you will brighten his day, and in return, he will be inclined to brighten yours. remember why you married him - because once upon a time, he was your best friend!!