Was I wrong to walk away?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2008
Was I wrong to walk away?
7
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 9:33pm

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 yrs, but ended the relationship two weeks ago. I'm having some regret.


I'll make this story as quick as possible.


He's a great guy with a good heart but had some issues he was not willing to confront.
I'm not an angel and have my own issues but I'm a person who confronts issues. I've had therapy a few times in my past for my issues.
My now ex has issues with not showing emotions, is always angry and resentful towards me

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2008
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 9:49pm
God... that sounds horrible...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 10:03pm

It's obvious the two of you are thoroughly incompatible. Every single thing you listed as being wrong with him, is just a simple mismatch of personality and values. Except for the masturbating in the same bed with his child asleep. That's just creepy. Are you POSITIVE he didn't just mean it was in that same bed he slept in but the child wasn't there?

I think it's nice his family is so tight, but that's just me. I don't have any children but if I did and someone I dated had issues with them, I honestly wouldn't have a problem with a breakup post haste. Ta-ta.

As far as the issues he has, well, you were right there and saw all of it. Easiest thing to do is to accept a man as he is or walk away. Don't try to change someone or tell them they're somehow wrong. They may be, but that's not for you to worry about or spend your time trying to "fix." If a man needs "fixing" it's best to let the next woman do it.

I honestly don't think couples therapy would do this particular relationship any good, but again, that's just my personal opinion. The best thing I think you could do for yourself is to just be good to yourself and stay away from him, and keep him away from you. You don't seem to bring out the best in each other, and you both deserve to have that in your lives.

Good luck,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2008
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 10:26pm

wow, tell it like it is ladies...haha! I love the honesty, thanks for that

Sandra, when I asked him straight up if he ever masterbated in the bed while hiw boy slept, he said he did.
He thought it wasn't a huge deal b/c his son was asleep. When I explained how creepy it was, he said I was right and stopped. He said he only did it twice.
One thing about this guy, he's totally honest with me about everything.

I told him the only way I would ever even consider talking to him again would be in a therapists office, but you think that is useless right?

We have a lot of differences, but a lot of thing we cherish together. A lot of the same interests.
My friends also thing it's great he's close to his family. I'm close to mine as well, but don't dine with them all the time or live in the same apt.
He told me if we were to live together away from his family, that would stop. He eats with them and sees them all the time cause he's bored.

I guess I made the right decision but man am I hurting big time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 10:40pm

I don't think the couples therapy would help you love or even really like his children, and for any relationship where children from a previous relationship are in the picture in any way, that's really an absolute must. And I think that's the dealbreaker in this.

Like you said, he's a procrastinator and he likes the status quo. Basically, he's bored with his life but is unwilling to motivate himself to change that, it works for him. This is who he is, accept it or move on. I don't think you can (or should force yourself to) accept it, so my suggestion is to move on so you can each find someone better suited to you. Breaking up does not mean either one of you is a bad person, just a bad match.

And yeah, I tell it like I see it. But in a nice way ;-) At least I wear fluffy slippers when I kick butt around here LOL

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 03-13-2008 - 1:22pm

Welcome to the board sensibleheart,


I agree with the advice you've already been given, I just want to add some reading material for you to consider:


Are You The One For Me? Barbara DeAngelis


Do Not Talk To, Touch, Marry, or Otherwise Fiddle with Frogs, by Nailah Shami







iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2008
Thu, 03-13-2008 - 2:27pm

Thanks Carrie for the recommendations. I actually read those books...haha And I am still messing up ;-)


I just ordered the book


I Need Your Love - Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them Instead by Byron Katie


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 03-13-2008 - 2:38pm

That sounds like a good book. I've never read it....


I have read Feeling Good: New Mood Therapy by David Burns, MD - he has some tests to identify what you do to get love. It's very eye-opening.