Was it worth it :*(

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2005
Was it worth it :*(
8
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 9:17pm
I just broke up with my boyfriend tonight and let me explain why... ok he was in the bath room while he was in there i walked in his room and was looking at his pitures by his dresser, and there was something that caught my eye. i saw a Diva magizine i looked in it and there was a bunch of girls in bikins. so that made me mad on top of me seein that mag laying around before and he told me he threw it away. so i seen some pages stickin out and looked at them there were girls with no shirt in a thong. dated 5/30/05, so he printed these 2 pics out while we were going out. for 9 months at that time. now or we were 1 week away from 1 year. i didnt say anything about it to him. i just sent him a txt message on my cell saying im mad u lied then another one saying i hope you know were over. and as im typin this he just called said to call him back and then just left a txt saying what did i lie about what do u mean were over? i dont know what to do i love him. its just the thought of him masterbating to a pic of 2 sluts upset me i am a pretty girl with a model body why would he want to do that? it breaks my heart. what should i do plzzz help!!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 9:29pm
My friend..how old are you? I suspect young..Please know, men AND women masturbate. I masturbate..my ex did too when we were apart...It is not a dirty thing. Those women are models and please, do not call a sistah a slut. That is a degrading word. This is NOT about you and what your sex life is about or how you look. Men and women masturbate. It is part of life. Please take time to learn more about your man instead of making him shamed. IMHO. Respect.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2005
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 10:03pm
i know we all masterbate but the point is, is he doesnt need to when he has me. and he lied about throwing the mag away. i am young im 18 and so is he. i didnt mean to call the model a slut its just it hurts when he looks at them. i dont want him to think they look better then me.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 10:14pm

Of course you are upset. But he was cornered so lied. It was not right but he was probably embarrassed.

When I was 18 if this was happening I would be upset. I had no level of security around any sexual issues. I am 40 something and know a little bit more from experience. It has nothing to do about you, your body or what kind of sex you have. Guys love to cum and they like to cum ALOT..he is 18...this is who he is.

I think it's ok to tell him it weirds you out that he does that when you are having good sex and ask if he can do it when you are not around. Also tell him you are uncomfy with the magazines but please, do not put him in a corner. Sex, porn, cyber stuff is out there because it sells. I actually like looking at the gorgeous women in the magazines..and read the stories..they are soo funny..(grin)...

There is natural masturbation and sexual fantasy and then sex addiction (which I have seen with an ex). You need to find a balance and feel ok and NOT worry every time you leave your man. Breathe, darling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2005
Wed, 09-21-2005 - 10:43pm
the main part that upsets me is that he looks at other girls and i think he wants them indtead of me and if he had the choise hed prob choose them. when he has me. im fine with him masterbateing if he is thinkin about me and no one else. but thats not the case and i just found that out today and it borke my heart. he keeps callin me and i wont answer cuz i know he will be mad at the reason but he doesnt understand how it hurt.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 6:25am

Here is something that will save you a lot of pain IF you can take this in..
You cannot control ANYONE'S behavior but you can control your reaction. Your jealousy could be an age thing (sorry but you are young and have much to learn..heck I am still learning) or it can be a sign of problems to come. Harness and deal with it..is your self esteem so low? Or is this pure jealousy? You cannot control what is in his head.

Peace

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2005
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 7:00am
yes i do have some jealousy problems. and it doesnt help when i know hes lookin at models to get off. i thought i was enough but i guess not and that just lowers my self esteem even more.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 7:10am
Do yourself a favor..when you are calm sit with him and ask what his sexual needs are..tell him your comfort level and open the lines of communication. You do not want to feel like crap and need to understand this. BUT ALSO you do not want him to feel shame and hide/lie. Sure, it hurts. You are lovely and sexy and feel you are satisfying him but knowing what you do is creating discord for you to open the lines of communication WHEN you can do so calmly. Some men need to cum A LOT. Some women too...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Thu, 09-22-2005 - 8:39am
Hi there, i suspect you're kind of young....men and women masturbate, even if they do have a significant other, it's human nature. Him masturbating to pics of half naked women or all naked women has nothing to do with his feelings/attraction/or lack of attraction for you....I think this is your issue not his, and you need to look at why this is really bothering you so much......This is definately not worth breaking up over...but you really do need to come to terms with it and understand that it is normal and ok for your boyfriend to masturbate to this pics.