Watch him drown or turn your back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Watch him drown or turn your back?
6
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 12:50pm

If a person you love is drowning and you can't do anything to save him, you can't swim, you have no rope, no life preserver, do you watch or turn and walk away?

That's kind of what I'm feeling right now. My ex called me this weekend. It wasn't like before. I didn't feel broken hearted for me, but rather for him. If you could have heard him....he's got no feeling, no life, he's depressed and hating himself. He said that he hates me sometimes because if I didn't push him to tell his ex about us we'd be together. I know he doesn't hate me, he's really trying to hate me because hating me would be easier than loving me and not being with me knowing how much he hurt me. BTW - I would not have done a thing differently. I would have still had him tell her because no matter when where or how he did it, it would have ended no differently.

I can't do anything but I feel he's looking to me for help and I have none to give. He has to do it and I keep telling him that. He's in this situation because he won't stand up to her.

So again: Do I walk away and put the final nail in the coffin, or do I be a support for him...a comfort? I was kind of surprised at myself when we were talking because I felt no more of the hurt that I used to feel about our breakup. I was more feeling the pain he was in and wanted to just touch him, help him. And I can't. Its such a helpless situation. I'm scared for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 1:23pm

Hi sun14,


Do you want to be in the role of his 'emotional crutch' from now on?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 2:33pm

If you're truly concerned for his safety (meaning you think he's going to harm himself), call his family and express your concerns.

Otherwise, it sounds like it would be harmful to you to get roped back in with him so I would keep your distance.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Mon, 07-23-2007 - 9:54pm
I am confused....what exactly does he think you should do for him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 9:00am
He doesn't want anything from me. I ask him what he wants from me and says "Well what do you mean?" I think he just wants me to listen. Which is infuriating because I have that mantra that you can only complain about it if you do something to change it. And he won't do anything to change it. Its such a confusing situation and my feelings on it are equally confusing. I don't even really know how to phrase my questions so its hard to ask advice on what I should do. I just hate hearing him like this. I always said that i wanted him to be happy but I really thought I want him to be happy with me and no one else, and I kind of got what I wished for because he's completely miserable and distraught without me. I never wanted that for him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 10:22pm
If I recall your story correctly, weren't you engaged to this guy? Didn't he go back to his ex because of their child?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 9:00am
Yep and apparently I was right, it was a big mistake.