Way too soon for this...what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Way too soon for this...what to do?
2
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 7:00pm

In an attempt to (1) remind myself that there are decent men out there, (2) avoid lying curled up in my bed in the fetal position, and (3) to move on, I put my profile on match.com (for the first time). A seemingly nice guy has invited me out for coffee and now I feel totally panicked at the thought. I have known this whole time that I'm not looking to date anyone yet (that'd be WAY too premature) but I had no idea I would react this strongly to a simple coffee invitation.

I don't want to hang out with other men. I don't want to start the @!#$& dating process over again. I don't want to learn about some new random guy's life, personality, interests, hopes, goals. I don't want this to be my new reality and new life. I'm still a complete wreck over my ex.

Should I cancel the coffee date? If so, how? ("Hi there...I know I put my profile up, and I know we've had a couple email exchanges, but it's way too scary for me to even meet anyone new right now. How about in a few months?")

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2005
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 9:50pm
I went on Match.com too...and guess what? They had NO matches for me. Let me repeat, NO MATCHES. Yeah that made me feel soooooooo much better, NOT! Anyway, if you have spoken to this man over email a few times what is the harm in a cup of coffee? Trust me, I completely understand why you are freaking out so if you are not ready, emotionally or mentally, than don't do something that is going to make you uncomfortable. If you decide not to meet him than just tell him nicely that you feel it is too soon for the two of you to meet. If you do decide to go... GOOD LUCK, HAVE FUN and remember, it's ONLY coffee!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 10:40pm

I think something along the lines of, "I'm sorry, but I need to cancel our meeting. I realized that I am not yet over my recent breakup and not ready to date. I'm going to take my profile down and take a bit more time before dating again. If you don't mind, I'd like to contact you when I reach that point, and if you are not involved with someone then, perhaps we could meet".

Of course, you'd need to take the profile down for this to work ;-).

I would be perfectly fine with getting this from someone on match, and would consider meeting them if they contacted me down the road.

Good for you for recognizing you're not ready, btw!

Sheri