We broke up and I'm pregnant =(

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
We broke up and I'm pregnant =(
6
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 1:26pm

Alrite I apologize for it being kind of long but here it goes......

Earlier this year I met a man online and we immediately hit it off. The only thing is I'm in Wisconsin and he's in Texas. We got into this long-distance/phone/internet relationship, and got into the routine of talking hours every night and most mornings for about 2 months. We sent pictures, IM'd, txt'd, phone sex'd, sent gifts and all that other jazz that goes along in a LD relationship. By the first month, he already professed to me that he "loves" me. He said 'I love you' first. We talked about our dreams and our goals, and even planned when I can relocate down there. He wanted to fly me down to see him for Valentines but I'm a preschool teacher and I wasn't able to get vacation time until April when we go on spring break. So finally early last month, he flew me down there to go spend half a week with him.

I was very excited and nervous; I was getting to meet my long-distance bf for the first time.

A little about his background:

He's a 30 year-old car salesman for Acura with 2 little girls. (And I did get to meet and hang out with them while I was there.) He was once married but when him and his ex moved to Texas from California, they divorced. He's been divorced for 2 years now. He's a workaholic and very career and money driven. Works 10-12 hour shifts and every Saturday, and sometimes would call me late while still at work at the dealership. He's also a talker-->just loves to talk. And being in the kind of business that he's in, he has to know how to talk to his customers and pursuade people if he's gonna sell a car to them. He's just very outgoing and extroverted.

I on the other hand is the opposite. I'm more mellow and laidback, very reserved. Sure I'm with kids all day, but I know my personality and I tend to be quiet and keep things inside. So I'm an introvert, I'm normal, simple and down-to-earth, and enjoy museums and bookstores over the bar and club scene.

We had fun site-seeing, eating and traveling around his town and going down to San Antonio too, but while I was there I didn't talk as much. There were times when we're in the car and there would be an awkward silence between us. He was always the one that had to start up the conversation first. And the afternoon before I was going to fly back, he sat me down and asked me why I'm not communicating with him, am I holding something back, what's going on in my mind? Cause now he's unsure about us and this whole relationship, that if I'm like this in real life, how are we going to relate and connect emotionally if I'm so quiet all the time. So he told me that when I go back to Wisconsin, for me to re-evaluate what we have going and to see if this is what I truly want too.

I came back home to Wisconsin. The conversations became brief. No more daily text's either. When I call him he would make up excuses that he's busy with work and he'll call me back later, and then not. And then a few days later he'll text to apologize for not calling back. Finally after about two weeks since my return, he tells me that I'm not what he's seeking and for me to not put any hopes into this relationship anymore. He broke it off with me, not over the phone but through an email instead. After I read the email I called him instantly. He didn't pick up. So I txt'd him. He txt me back and blew me off. Why do some guys give the "@$$hole method" when they want out of a relationship too? So yeah we broke up a few weeks ago and haven't spoken to each other since.

I know I'm rambling in this post of mines and I should just get to the point but I am 3 weeks late on my period and decided to get a home pregnancy test last night. And it turned out POSITIVE! I haven't told anybody yet, not even him.

He pulled out everytime and didn't cum inside me at all when we had sex but a man's "pre-ejaculate" is still able to get a woman pregnant. You men know what your pre-cum is too, it's the fluid that seeps from the tip of the penis during sexual excitement before ejaculation happens. I was with him for 5 days and we had sex quite often. He had said to me before I came back was that our physical connection was great, but emotionally he felt I wasn't there with him cause I was so quiet.

So now it turns out I could possibly carry his child and he broke up with me a few weeks ago. I haven't contacted him either. The only way I check up on him is through his myspace page. Did you know not even a week since he dumped me, he had taken me off his #1 friend's spot and put up a new girl already?! I don't know if they hooked up already but I was pissed and jeolous as hell. It's been over 3 weeks and we haven't spoken. I don't know if I want to have this baby on my own, but if I do, I want not a cent from him. I know he has child support going to his two daughters already. Or if I do tell him, how will he take it? Will he tell me to get an abortion? I'm against abortion. Carry it to term and give it up for adoption? But if my parents find out they will frown at me. I am their eldest daughter too and coming from a traditional asian family with strict and tight values, they may disown me, or force me to marry him!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2006
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 2:18pm
Wow!!! I am sorry about what you must be going through, but that's the least of your worries. Why would you sleep with a man that you hardly know this day and age, where we are fully informed about sexually transmitted diseases without any protection? You had to know your method was not full proof of you not getting pregnant. Why would anyone take that kind of a risk? I don't mean to lecture you, but this is SEX EDUCATION 101. Good Luck to you and Congratulations.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 3:42pm

Hi sweetasianboo and welcome to the board,


Well at this point, pointing out the obvious and lecturing is kind of moot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 8:42am
You are against abortion? Do not do it. Your parents can not make you marry him, he's given you the brush-off. I know you say you don't want money from him now, and it's understandable. However circumstances could change. Have you gone to other boards on iVillage to talk. One is the Unplaaned Pregnancy board for more advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 11:41am
Here's the link to the other board:
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 3:43pm

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

The first things I would do:
1. go to a doctor. The home pregnancy tests are very accurate but just to make sure for certain, I'd see the doctor get a positive confirmation and an early exam to make sure me and the baby are ok. there are things might prohibit you from carrying to term in which case you wouldn't have to take the next steps.

2. Decide whether or not I want the baby. If you are against abortion, don't even consider it. Putting the baby up for adotion might be a better option.

3. Can I support the baby. I know you said you don't want anything from him but do you need something from him? Can you do it on your own, do you want to?

4. If I decided I want the baby, and I can have the baby and I will have the baby, I would tell him. I feel its his child as well and no matter what is going on with us he has a right to know his child and his child know him. If I didn't need anything from him I would ask him what kind of capacity he wants to be a father in. Does he want full access, limited access, or none at all? Its his decision but he must stick to it. no wanting to be there all the time but then when the time comes he's a no show.

This is all just me and you certainly will do what is right for you. good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 6:05pm
I too went through an unplanned pregnancy and broke up with my boyfriend as a result of it. Please feel free to eamail me through my profile if you want to talk. Things will get better sweetie :)