We broke up five days ago...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
We broke up five days ago...
4
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 12:56am

Hi everyone,


I am returning to this board for the second time now. I was last here in May '06 when the jerk I was dating broke up with me. Now I wonder why I even shed a tear over him. I am now going through a break up which is the most painful one yet, because it was with the first man I ever truly loved, and still do. We were together for 1.5 years and broke up the day before NYEve,

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 9:59am

Hi Nicole,

Boy, I am sorry to see you back. Big hugs, girl. I don't know which are harder to get over, the bad ones or the good ones. If I had to guess, I'd say it's the good ones. For whatever reason, though, those are the ones that leave the smallest yet most beautiful scars on your heart :)

Sometimes, great people get together who ultimately don't go together, at least not for the long haul. And that's really ok. Every one doesn't have to be the one. Wouldn't that be something. It doesn't mean it was wasted time, or that they're not each terrific people, it just means that those two people took some time to get to know each other, share some of the love they had in their hearts, and hopefully made each other's lives a little better for having met.

Two things I'd like you to read:

Reason, Season, Lifetime
http://www.steeldog.com/reasonseasonlifetime.htm

Heal Your Heart: Forgiveness
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=21061.1

Whereas with the other ones, they were jerks and you'll always say, "Thank God they're gone," with this one, you'll say, "Thank God he was here." Hopefully you'll have way more of these than of the others.

Hugs sweetie, it'll be okay. I promise.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 6:04pm

Thanks so much for that. I read them both. This is just the toughest heartbreak I've ever had to work through (especially since my anxiety is so bad on top of it because of my anxiety disorders). I depended on

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 1:04am

Nicole

December 2007 was the most emotional, horrible month of my life. Janurary 2008 didnt start out that hot either, but we'll see. I cried practically every day that month, went through Bounty rolls, cried so much I felt dehydrated (honestly). I too thought my ex and I loved each other, we even at one point said we were engaged (without a ring), laid in bed thinking of baby names. And even though, like you, I know we truly aren't right for each other, I still miss him, and think I'll never find another love like him again. I felt like I lost him forever, knowing he'll find another girlfriend and I will have to fade from his life.

but if you find something else in your life that you love, and other people that love u like friends, you will find that it's not so bad. If you stop thinking your life is over, and think about what another short 1.5 years can bring, you will be more optimistic. If you love yourself and think you're awesome, you won't let yourself be a damsel in distress. but of course this all takes time.

We get tired of the same clichey things like "time heals" and "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger", but they are clichey because they are actually remarkably true and it's hard to express any other way.

you can email me any time, because i feel like what happened to you is so verbatim to what happened to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 1:30am
I know exactly what you mean nicole.... about how two people can love each other so much but just cant make it work. It's really hard. I'm in the same situation myself. I know we both love each other more than anything, but we are both hard headed and haven't changed for the better. It really seems unfair. About a month before we broke up we realized that we may not be able to stay together forever, but we both couldnt think of not being with the other every day of our lives. It seems almost like a cruel joke that we cant make it work, but totally feel like we need each other in our lives.