We still love each other so much
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We still love each other so much
| Tue, 09-13-2005 - 10:14pm |
So my ex has been depressed for over 2.5 years now (we were together for over 3.5 years), and I decided that I would never leave him simply because he's depressed. I wanted to support him through all of it. My ex had been feeling like he wasn't making me happy, that he wasn't treating me the way I deserved to be treated, and that I'd be better off without him. He also hasn't has much of a sex-drive the past 2 years, and he feels really guilty about that. I tried convincing him how incredibly happy I actually was with him and how he treated me just how I needed to be treated. I really loved getting to cuddle with him every night and every morning, even if we didn't have a lot of sex. He would never believe me and I figured it was because he has low self-esteem because of his depression. This summer he finally saw a Dr. and started taking meds, although he didn't really think they were making any difference. Well, I started grad school last week and I was planning on living with him (I had been living with him for 1.5 years). He felt like I should move to the other side of the state because he felt like he couldn't get better with me there because he was constantly worrying about me and our relationship. I agreed because I wanted him to get better. I told him one night that I felt like he was going to break up with me once I moved and he told me that he felt like he needed to be alone in order to get better. He didn't mean just living alone, but thought he needed to not be in a relationship. I was expecting that in May when I graduate from school I could move back in with him. He told me that I should keep my options open. He has worried the past year becuase I haven't been able to find a job in my field in the town where we lived. I cried so much, and so did he. He NEVER cries. We sobbed together and he's having a hard time because he's always said that he never wants to hurt me and he realizes how much this hurts me. He has told me many times that he doesn't want this, but he needs this if he ever wants to get better and he is so sick of being depressed. I've asked him to see a therapist, but who knows how long it will take for him to swallow his pride and go talk to someone. We both still love each other SO much. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my whole life. Every stupid little thing reminds me of him. We talk every once in a while and we'll probably see each other occassionally too. He's my best friend. It's so hard for me to admit that we're probably never going to get back together again. I just don't want to believe it.

The night my ex and I broke up I had gone over to his house so we could talk about things in person. At this point he was still living at home (he's 22) and you had to walk through the living room to get to his room. He hugged me and held me and we both cried for literally a half hour, if not longer, before I finally had to go back to my apartment to do school work for the next day. I tried to make myself presentable because both his mom and dad were going to see me when I walked out of his room and through the room in which they were sitting and I didn't want them to know that we'd had a fight/broken up/whatever else would have probably run through their heads. And I didn't want them to ask me any questions. When I asked him how bad I looked, he started crying again and told me to not ask him that because he thought I was beautiful no matter what and he always would. He kissed me, gave me a big hug, told me to be careful and call him when I got there so he'd know I made it safely. For 3 months he still called every day and saw me usually once a week. We even took a trip to KY together.
Unfortunately, how much you love someone is not what's important.
Unfortunately, love isn't enough.
Now, I have moved on. I don't have any new guy/prospect but I am over him. I still get nostalgic every once in a while and I'll occasionally shed a tear or two.
He's moved on and his new gf has 2 kids from a previous marriage! And I'm even ok with that now. I saw him earlier this week at the grocery store and we talked about things that had gone on in the end (things finally COMPLETELY ended very badly between us) and he gave me a hug and said he hopes I can forgive him for the way he acted/treated me.
It'll get better and easier, just give it time. As hard as that is.
Big hugs and Good luck!!
Even though I'm trying to accept the fact the we're no longer together and we'll probably never be together again, I just so badly want him to tell me that we will get back together pretty soon and everything is going to be ok. It's so hard for me to be completely honest with myself about this. I just want to be with him still. It's not that I'm worried about never being able to find another guy. It's that whoever else I may eventually meet will not be Dan. And all I want is Dan.
But the sooner you can convince yourself that you won't get back together, the easier it will be for you to get over him. I know it's incredibly hard and painful and I wish I could tell you to not worry about it but the truth is, as long as you keep wishing to get back together with him you won't be able to get over him and move on. Don't become his "backup".
Good luck!