We were best friends - I'm scared
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We were best friends - I'm scared
| Fri, 09-09-2005 - 2:09pm |
My boyfriend and I dated on and off for 7 years. We just broke up last weekend - for good. He is my best friend and I am his. He broke it off with me but I understand why. We were friends for years and started dating at the end of college. We were comfortable together. I often questioned if we were really in love. And I guess he did too. Even when we were living together I knew it wasn't the relationship I truly wanted. I guess I wanted him to look at me in a way that he never could and in turn I couldn't look at him that way. I guess I always knew in the back of my mind that we probably wouldn't make it. So why is it so hard? I am a mess! Has anyone dealt with this kind of relationship? Best friends but could never take it to the next level? We just couldn't give our "all" to one another. But we loved hanging out with eachother. We definately had times that it was great. I've just never been such a mess in my life. If I could, I would just keep typing to try and rid myself of this horrible feeling. I feel like my nerves are standing on end, like my emotions are raw and my heart is squeezed. I just want to know it will get better. I want to know I will meet someone that will make me forget all of this. I want to know there is hope for he and I to be friends down the line. I can even work with years down the line.

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I'm in a similar situation--I broke up with my boyfriend of 4.5 years in January. I, too, considered him my best friend. Our situation got complicated because he became involved with someone two weeks later and lied to me about it for six months (he says because he didn't want to hurt me, but he was also still trying to get me back, so I think he didn't want to ruin his chances). I was devastated, both by the quickness with which he moved on and the fact that my supposed best friend lied to me about something that was such a big part of his life for so long. I found out in July, and the last two months have been painful as we try to repair our friendship...Despite all this, I think we will. My point is, for you, that I think if you truly are best friends, you WILL maintain that connection. If I can do it with my ex even though he hurt me so much--and if he's trying so hard to repair the damage even though I keep pushing him away and telling him to get out of my life--I think you guys can do it, too.
I would suggest you tell each other to be open about your dating life, at least when you get serious about someone. Otherwise, it can cause these kinds of problems, and that's no fun for anyone.
Sounds like you and I both knew our relationships weren't right. Just keep that in mind. That's what I'm telling myself. The right guys are out there for us. We just need to believe it.
Not sure if that made much sense. I'm trying to give you hope. :)
One thing I am trying to learn is NOT to analyze the whys and hows and what ifs about HIM. Does he miss me, is he with her, did we end because...it does NOTHING to help me move on. The convention of voices in my head serves to drain my energy ONLY. I am trying to focus on me and avoiding contact. I am listening to my feelings, dealing with my inner child and all those old issues.
Best of luck..this is NOT easy.
i know how you feel about walking around with a cloud over your head.....i feel the same...except i've been walking around with this black cloud over my head for a year...yup it's been a year since my break up, not to scare you though...We all have different issues to deal with, and everyone's healing process is different so, can't say how long this will last...i do hope that you don't walk around with this cloud over your head and pain inside for a year....I can tell you this though, having contact with your ex will definately NOT help your healing...that's one of the reasons why i'm still feeling this way after a year, we've had contact for this whole year...i just started this nc thing..it's been 5 days and counting...it's hard, but it will be harder if i see/talk to him.
Take care....hang in there.
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